The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It seems at work that I have a tendency to step in when I see things going wrong that I step up and take care of it- often into other people's departments-particularly nursing. However, i am a social worker and as a patient advocate this does go to part of my job description. Needless to say this does not translate to being popular. Here recently I have really tried to step back and have boundaries and not go "looking for problems." People often still come to me with things, but I am trying to delegate to app departments as I can. However, I am opinionated as if I see something wrong I cannot help but voice it and jump in to help. This willingness to jump in seems to often backfire- as those I work with- often then leave me holding the bag when there is no solution to be had: even when the problem is strictly another department issue. The thing is then they get mad at me and I get resentful for the hard work that I have done for them only to be "punished" as a result. Seems to be the same in my personal life- though often in these cases they actually ask me for help and when I do I become resentful as they do not appreciate how I try and/or my opinion on the subject. I am obviously codependent. Social Work fit my personality. There are some positives about my personality- I like to think. I believe people do come to me because they know I will take care of it if they bring it to me. However, I am tired of being attacked in meetings and of being held accountable for issues that are not mine simply because I cannot sit by and let vulnerable people do without. Feedback??
However, I am opinionated as if I see something wrong I cannot help but voice it and jump in to help. This willingness to jump in seems to often backfire- as those I work with- often then leave me holding the bag when there is no solution to be had: even when the problem is strictly another department issue. The thing is then they get mad at me and I get resentful for the hard work that I have done for them only to be "punished" as a result.
However, I am tired of being attacked in meetings and of being held accountable for issues that are not mine simply because I cannot sit by and let vulnerable people do without. Feedback??
CODE I think you answer your own question. We cannot cross over into other departments without getting hurt.
I understand what you are experiencing at work. I too crossed departmental lines to solve problem and get things done in an effective manner. It worked often but many times it backfired as you describe and I was left holding the bag-the blame and the problem.
I had to hold my boundries and do the job I was charged with and delegate all other tasks to the proper area. I was much happier and so was everyone else.
I could highlight the vulnerable person to the proper area, follow up but I had to Let Go an Let God.
I too had tons of friends who called with problems they wanted me to solve. I loved doing this as I felt needed and powerful but in reality I was not helping anyone. If the friend did not do what I said I would be angry So it would be the same as on the job.
Again the same task was to draw boundries Focus on taking care of myself and being supportive of others without giving advise. I learned how to do that in alanon meetings, with alanon friends and with a sponser.
Detachiment. Focus on Yourself and Let Go and Let God
Hello and welcome , your post made me smile as I have been where your at many times til I learned here to mind my own business . yeah my heart was in the right place I wanted it done Right - but it seems that i too offended alot people comming across as I knew it all , and my way was not the only way to do things I soon found out . I have to turn my back and let people work things out for themselves , when someone does ask for my help i now ask what they think they should do about the situation and I don't rush off and fix it (, when we do for others what they should do for themselves we tell them they are not smart enough to figure it out for themselves ) that was never my intent but was the way people saw it . when I don't have to fix all of lifes problems for everyone my life got easier and people got more friendly , go figure .
I think you have been given some excellent advise. I have a friend in AlAnon that uses the chant "I am Switzerland, I am Switzerland." to remind her to remain neutral.
I experienced a similar problem at my work last week. I ended up feeling like I had to step in and take over work that belonged to a different department because my own department and a couple others were being affected by an issue this other department was supposed to take care of and was being extremely unsuccessful at fixing.
Long and short of it, I caught myself feeling self-righteous, resentful and defensive.
The issue DID get resolved with my stepping in, however, I didn't particularly like the avenues I had to take in order to get things taken care of. I also experienced resentful and defensive behavior from the guy in the department who couldn't fix the problem.
For me, this wasn't the end of the world. I do still feel secure and happy with my job... but I didn't like the childish feelings that the situation was bringing up in me.
I had to sum the entire situation up as a good learning experience, and to quell my own self-righteous attitude, I quickly reminded myself "There are no victims, only volunteers."
Should a situation like this happen again at my work, I'm going to try to do my best to take a step back and let the person who's supposed to fix it fix it, no matter how long it takes (although for productivity's sake, I'm sure I'll remain a "squeaky wheel"). This person unfortunately takes on his own "victim" mentality, so it can be hard for him to get anywhere with problems because he feels he's being slighted no matter what he tries. In any case, I'll let him learn on his own next time.
I guess being a social worker makes it tricky for me- as a patient advocate- it is difficult for me not to jump in. However, I am taking all these tools and applying them. I started today. Where I could clearly see how my codependency was wrecking my personal life, I did not apply the same principles in the work place. Thank you group..... :) I am switzerland.
