The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well my AH never ceases to amaze me.... we had a really great day today. although still living apart we are communicating well and meeting up occassionally so that i can help him with form filling etc (this is part of our separation agreement and i am ok with that because of his illiteracy). Any way...i digress...we were having such a lovely day, and he has been dry since his slip last week, i invited him to join me for a proper cooked evening meal which he accepted. he took my dog out for about 20 minutes walk (there's a rarity) and offered to make the coffee whilst i served up the meal (another rarity). we ate our meal listening to the radio and chatted over our coffees. he said he thought he was doing really well. he had started planning his day so that he didnt get bored. little steps but good for his spirit. he said he had polished the bathroom mirror and felt like he had achieved something. (very good, thought I. little by little...one step at a time. ) then, as if by magic, he ruined an almost perfect day. he started talking about me, how come i had stopped drinking 2 years ago. my answer was simple....because i could, because i wanted to for the sake of my health. then came the most outrageous attempt at guilt transference i have ever heard!!
"WELL IF YOU HAD CARRIED ON DRINKING YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD A PROBLEM WITH ME NOW"
Wow - that's priceless! Great strength not engaging him on that one - I would have been sucked into a debate about that one. I am still trying "logic" with my ABF - maybe that is my addiction.
Wow, that is really world-class denial! "If only I could have sucked you into my sickness more, you'd be insane and so you'd hardly notice my insanity!" Good work on not engaging with that one. When you see what goes on in their heads, it's no wonder they make such mind-bogglingly bad decisions, is it?
Wow - that's priceless! Great strength not engaging him on that one - I would have been sucked into a debate about that one. I am still trying "logic" with my ABF - maybe that is my addiction.
Peace,
hehe.,,,,i know what you mean about being sucked in and trying all the logic in the world wont make the slightest bit of difference! i have found it a total waste of time and energy so i concentrate on things that are productive and fun for me like my writing, studying and training my dog !!!! learning how to detatch yourself and not get into these squabbles is tough at first, but the more you practise the easier it gets. i dont know if you have read my post with my poem 'being good to myself' attached to it - if not i have attached it here for you along with another i wrote a couple of days ago called AH and ME!!! be at peace with yourself!
Miss Lucy - love the poems .... nicely done! Our family counselor suggested we all journal/write. I truly enjoy the journal writing and have dabbled in my life with poetry.
I did read your OP yesterday and LoL. Not at all at you/your AH but rather the thinking and illogical processing this disease presents.
(((((Hugs))))) to you and thank you for sharing.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene