The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I do enjoy talking to him from rehab and he has asked me to come see him, but admitting that I am powerless over my feelings for him and that he does not feel that way toward me....I am thinking that means no calls and no visits....do I have to broach this via phone or do you think a text is just way too chicken to lay it out like that....
Hmm, on what are you basing your understanding of how he feels for you. He has only been sober for 9 days, right? And you can't trust the word of an active A, and they lash out and act hateful when they are active, Right?
I am just remembering when I took my AH back into our house at one point, it was really just to keep my family intact. I did not honestly believe that my AH cared for or loved me. I thought he only came back for the kids and convenience. I did not really understand that an active A has no capacity to show how they feel even if they deeply love someone. The disease will not let them. My AH is over 2 years sober now and I know he loves me. He is able to show it now.
So, I don't know if your assessment is correct or not, but maybe a wait and see approach would be best. You don't have to go see him, or talk to him on the phone if it makes you uncomfortable, but maybe you can just accept for the moment that his need to save himself has to come first. He may love you, but he has to learn to love himself before he can show it to you.
Just my thoughts,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
It doesn't have to be a decision that you make forever right this moment. Maybe just for today, you can do whatever feels right ... and then tomorrow, decide what feels right when tomorrow gets here.
I love that this program made life so much easier to swallow by teaching me the concept of "One Day at A Time". My illness and thinking process often deal with absolutes, all or nothing, black or white, etc.
Between the concept of One Day at A Time and Just for Today, I am slowly learning that how I feel and process and see today may be very different tomorrow. Do what feels right for you, just for today.
<<<<Hugs>>>> to you - I neglect me more than anything/anyone else - and have found a bit of comfort in the small things - bubble bath, painting my nails, a new 'do' for my hair. Perhaps, a small or large treat for you will help you to love you first.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
