The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
This is a jump off from another post about enabling. This has been tough for me to figure out. Am I helping or enabling? I often don't know. But Jerry posted a reply to that thread which made such sense to me. I wish I had figured it out by myself. He said ¨What I learned was If the person lacked the time, ability and facility in getting a need met and they asked me for help; that was helping. If they had all three and I stepped in and took responsibility; that was enabling. I still use that one today cause it still works for me.¨ WOW! Words of wisdom. I think this is going to work for me too. I learn so much at this place! Thanks again for sharing Jerry.
When I got into the program hearing the words,------"You should never do for the alcoholic in your life what they can do for themself"------ was an eye opener for me. It took time for that to sink in my thick head, because in the past I thought I was helping and never had I considered my helping was actually enabling. It was just another in a long list of "unlearning projects" I came face to face with as I worked the program. Now when an enabling situation comes up I always-- "try"-- to do two thing:---- Think---and Not React---. By thinking------- I am not putting my mouth in motion before I put my mind in gear. By not reacting----- I am giving myself time to think------------- which in the long run usually leads me to the best solotion.
I'm not sure where this program is------- so simple to be so hard, ------or so hard to be so simple-----I just know "It Works If You Work It", and it continually reminds me that I still have a tremendous amount of "unlearning" to do.
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Saturday 23rd of January 2010 04:46:47 PM
I, too, took a lot out of the thread about enabling. Sometimes I don't even realize when I do it. It's a process, though - I'll take the progress I've made in the program any day over the mess of an enabler I was when I got here, though. :)
That is great. Tonight I found myself cursing under my breath because I was applauded for doing the dishes and i find myself feeling like gee im so glad i was put on this earth to make YOUR life easier. Finding these days its quite the opposite.. been enabling so many years I don't even know what its like to be an individual. Thanks for this.
