The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hello all! I'm new to this forum. I am 23 years old and have been living with an alcoholic mother my whole life. She has been abusive both verbally and mentally. I am in college so I only see her in the summer and during vacations but I have so much anger towards her and what she did to me that I find it hard to take care of myself. I have recently been seeing a counselor to help me deal with these issues and she told me that I need to relieve myself of the anger that I feel towards my mother. I just don't think that I can do this. I feel that if I get rid of the anger then that means that I have forgiven her, which I NEVER want to do. Does any one have any advice about how I can move forward in my life without having to continuously deal with this anger all of the time? For once I just want to be able to live a normal life.
Caton To help yourself in dealing with issues of dealing with an active acholic mother and growing up in a dysfuntional home may I please suggest you check out local Alanon or ACOA ( adult children of alcholics) meetings in your area and start working the steps and on yourself. These groups are soley to help you move forward and live the life you want for yourself. We also have meetings here on line if you would like to check those out too. Best of luck to you
Aloha Canton and welcome to MIP which isn't an Al-Anon sanctioned web group but probably the majority of us are in the fellowship and work that program. You've already gotten one suggestion to get there so I won't duplicated it. I will acknowledge that you can relieve yourself of the anger against anyone including your alcoholic mother if you are willing and get to the program. Check the white pages of your local telephone book for the hotline number for Al-Anon and call for meeting times and places. Also your college might have meetings on campus that you don't know about check there also. Carrying around long term anger is toxic...just like alcohol and it will ruin your health, mind, body, spirit and emotions (you're already paying a counselor for it...Al-Anon is basically free) just like alcohol is doing in your mom. Alcoholism is a cunning, powerful and baffling primary disease that if not arrested can and has ended in insanity and death not only for the alcoholic. For the family of the alcoholic it can result in depression and suicide so it is important to get rid of the anger. The anger usually shotgunned for me meaning that although it was aimed toward a certain person alot of others got caught in the blast including myself. In I went to Al-Anon on suggestion from my Alcoholic wife's AA sponsor. It saved my life. Since then I've never met a person that liked being angry. The program will show you thru the experiences of others how to change it while not staying a victim to your mom's addiction. For now I'll offer you our 3cees. We didn't cause the disease. We can't control the disease or the drinker and we won't cure it.
Keep coming back. This MIP family helps to keep each other happy, joyous and free once we get the hang of the program.
Others will step up and add to this share. (((((hugs)))))
I too was raised in a home with an alcoholic parent, and then I married an alcoholic. I started going to Al-Anon because of my marriage, which has since ended, but found out through working the steps how much I had been affected by my childhood. All the anger and resentment and fear I harbored towards that parent every day of my life.
My Higher Power with the help of Al-Anon has truly removed all of those negative feelings. I came to understand alcoholism is a disease. I also came to see that my parent loved me in spite of the disease and that they were doing the best they could at the time.
What had been a very strained relationship where I only barely tolerated being around my parent, now I enjoy being around my dad.
For me, coming to Al-Anon, reading the literature and working the steps worked. Once the anger was gone, forgiveness no longer was a bad word. I also learned that forgiving someone else for their actions did not necessarily benefit them one bit but it does all the good in the world for me. Because it takes the power that I give them over my thoughts and feelings away and gives it back to the person it belongs to, me!
......Once the anger was gone, forgiveness no longer was a bad word. ...... it takes the power that I give them over my thoughts and feelings away and gives it back to the person it belongs to, me!
