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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Has anyone seen my ax?
Post Info TOPIC: Has anyone seen my ax?
blender_girl


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Has anyone seen my ax?
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I need to detach - big time.  My patience is wearing thin and my resentments are cropping up.  The control freak in me is just bursting to get out.  ARGH! 

After being on the receiving end of a couple of snarky emails and voicemails, I found myself thinking that if he didn't stop that behavior towards me, I'd show him by not being quite so cooperative with his visitation privileges and revert back to the bare bones that are stated in the temporary orders. 

WHOA!  That is putting our child in the middle of our dysfunctional, enmeshed, emotionally abusive relationship.  Something I do not want to do. 

I also found myself researching nearby apartments and how the lease could work so that he could be physically closer to our son and have more consistent visitation.  OMG - talk about trying to control the situation!  Holy crap.  

Ok - so that's the bad news.

The good news is I chose a different way to deal with it.   I resisted the urge to fire back an equally snarky reply to those emails.  In fact, I haven't responded to either one of them.  Rather than get defensive over the voicemail, I returned the message with a civil reply, closing with a pleasant "please let me know if there's anything else I can help you with" when what I REALLY wanted to say was "oh please - give it a rest".  Did I mention I called a program friend instead of calling him back immediately?  

The little voice in my head has been whispering "Check your motives."  So after really thinking about this whole apartment search thing, I finally concluded that AH is a grown man and that he is perfectly capable of making his own living arrangements.  If he chooses to stay with a friend in another town, then it's none of my business.  As long as his visits with our son continue to be a positive experience for our child, then I will continue to be cooperative because in the long run, that is what is best.  It's not mine to deal with, so I need to take my grubby little hands off of it and let it go.

At this point in writing this post,  I'm now starting to laugh at myself - I went back and read some of my own posts earlier this morning and saw that I do have the capacity to see things clearly and adopt a healthier attitude.   Who is this person with all that awareness and newly found wisdom?  Aw heck - it's ME!  I've done it before, I can do it again and for longer periods time if I just practice practice practice.


Thanks for listening - take what you like and leave the rest.

Love in recovery,

bg

P.S.  There's a seat with my name on it in today's f2f meeting - my butt will be in it!


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Jozie


~*Service Worker*~

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(((((((((((((((((Blender)))))))))))

Love & Hugs to ya... GREAT PROGRAM WORK :O) clap.gif :O) you are truly proving that "It Works If You Work it!" Good for you for taking the time to look at it, Not React, and reach out, that takes Strength & Courage for sure...

Its funny how after living with/dealling with Alcoholics, Addicts & what not, we Program our selves in believing that we are just "Helping them out"... But that is when I go back to Detachment were at the bottom reads... Do Not Do For Them What they Can Do For themselves... I LOVE Detachment... I have learned that with my Abrother, I did ALOT that I really never gave myself credit for Mainly because I had just "Gottin in the Habit" of Just Doing it!!! Wonts I started working "detachment" and started to really allow it to sink in, I realized that I was being just as Over powering on him, as my Cody Mom was...

Funny how much my eyes have been opened in such a short time with this program... I try and remind myself when dealin with ALL the A's in my life, that 90% that comes from their mouth is Manipulation, and leaving the rest with about 2% honesty... And even their Honesty, can be deceaving, and I always had to learn to read "Between" the Lines, instead of investing my heart in to thier words.. It Sucks that is how I have to deal with them, but I have excepted them for who & what they are, and that makes them... None Of My Business... YaY...

When Kids are involved it is always Harder then when not... I remember when I was 9 & my Parents split, i don't know which one I disliked more... I blamed mom for leaving, and Dad for Letting her... I have been doing ALOT of thinkin on that lately doin my 4th step and what not, My Mom NEVER called my AFather and Alcoholic, she never really gave me an opinion on him, just always said... "He's your Father & you Respect him as such" and everything else was left alone...I use to think that was a good thing, but now looking back I wish she would have said, Your Father has a Disease, one that only he can Change... Then I wouldn't have felt like the "Go Between" and like the one that Caused their problems... Like most kids do...

Keep up the good work, on detaching, and Backing away... I have learned that just saying Nothing till I had time to maranate on it, has helped me tramendously, So when I feel those Urges to Voice My Opinion/ Thoughts, I STOP... no Reaction till I know it is one I can be Ok with...

Thanks for your Share, & I will continue to keep you & your Kids in my Prayers... Way to Work it Girl ;o)

Love & Prayers pray.gif

Jozie

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Thee Only Journey I Control Is MY Own :)

Gratitude.... Is a God Honoring Attitude! :D
maire rua


~*Service Worker*~

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Well done, hard to do this, but so positive,

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Maire rua
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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bg, Ms not snarky girl, lol I loved this post!!!

Good for you for your great progress!!!

Thanks for the giggle. huggen ya, debilyn

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