The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I am a little confused, the majority of posts here that I am reading seem to indicate that many of the members here have an alcoholic/addict in their life, the majority appear to be boyfriends, husbands/wives, and if they are working their program then they are able to accept the A for who he or she is, and continue to live and love them and themselves despite their partners antics that are disruptive in the home life.
Not sure if I understand your question here... Al-anon is for people that have been hurt by another's drinking/drug abuse. Our lives are consumed with their behavior and their disease ~ until we find al-anon and learn to focus on ourselves - the only person we can change or control.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Yes your reading right at least in my case , I had been married for 22 yrs when I arrived here after finally seeing that alcohol was ruining our lives , by working this program I was able to stay in my marriage and get happy and take responsiblity for my own life . I was not prepared to leave this marriage with out trying Al-Anon for at least one yr and if things had not improved I would leave . My husb provided for us well and i liked for the most part the way I was able to live , travel when i wanted buy what I wanted , purley selfish reasons on my part . My first yr flew by so fast , this program keeps the focus on me not the alcoholic , I found it was possible to get my life back and be happy regardless of what he was doing . My husb drank for another 3 yrs before he stopped for good ( we all hope) he has been sober for 20 yrs now and to say our lives have improved is an understatment , am I glad I stayed ? you bet . Unlike some who post here , I lived well , husb was also a work alcoholic - never had to worry about physical abuse and once I started to apply this prog to our relationships the verbal abuse stopped and we actually became closer . and the house calmed down . for me the answer to your question is obvious a resounding YES. Louise
Wow, thank you so much Louise for posting, and Kitty I am not sure what I was asking either, but I am glad I posted, and I would really like to hear from more people who choose to stay. I don't really know why I need to hear it, it is odd like I am on the cusp of something big but I don't know what it is.
I grew up with an A in my home. It has roots that have run deep in my family history. When I moved away from home, I could distance myself from it. Everyone told me you can't pick your family and they are right, but you can control how much time you spend with them and how much you allow them to affect your life, and even more over you can pick your friends and lovers. If any red flag went up that indicated alcoholism, drug abuse, the potential of verbal or physical abuse I shut them down fast. However I can't shut my daughter down, I love her, words can't describe how much I love her, she will never know. However I also cannot seem to control the way her disease is affecting me. Sometimes I feel like I can barely hold it together.
So anyway maybe that explains why I posted. I do hold out hope for my daughter. I want to fix her and I can't, I want to help her and I can't. I am so powerless over what is going on with her.
Aloha Regigse...Wow you found the room for help. How magical is that? I related to your post because it is similar to my tap root system also and I related to you finding this recovery sight. For me I found a person on the otherside of the Al-Anon hot line who directed me into the family groups and that is where the miracle began for me.
Here are the suggestions I took. Get to an Al-Anon meeting as quickly as you can. Get and read as much literature about the disease of alcoholism as you can. Sit down and listen to what is being shared in the rooms about the steps, traditions, higher power and all of it. After the meeting stick around and talk with others there and then keep coming back. That is what worked for me. This site MIP and the membership is the sweetest icing on that cake along with the program. This family loved you before you hit the door. Stick around for the miracles.
Regigse - welcome to you and glad you're here! I am very new here and very glad to have arrived. I felt welcome from my first post, and hope you do too.
I live with my AH and my Ason, my 2nd son and my best friend (Layla) - our dog. She's the easiest to talk to, as she's so full of unconditional love...
I totally feel your pain. Practicing the program principals with my AH is much easier for me - he travels 60-70% of the time and has shut himself off from our family life whenever possible/present in town.
Unfortunately, these choices have affected our boys. Both of whom have had some issues and counseling. One is doing well and my oldest decided to go down the path of addiction.
I struggle with boundaries, letting go, enabling, etc. and am working very hard to rethink my approach. Through counseling, I've made tough choices, and followed all suggestions and it just was not meant to be.
So - I will send him out to the real world in less than 60 days (18th birthday). While I am scared to do this, it's a must for us as he's just not able to hit any bottom in our home. I rescued him for a bit, and then stopped. And, now - for reasons I don't ask, my AH has come to the rescue.
We could be the poster children for dysfunctional. However, we are also fortunate - just for today. I'm working a program as best I can. My youngest is also in a 12-step program and doing OK. He's got some depression that surfaced last week, which breaks my heart. However, I will forever be grateful that he recognized it, and had the strength to come forth and share - so we're back in intensive treatment for him.
I flip through a stack of emotions each and every day. Just seeing my first born causes me extreme anxiety, and my best strategy for personal success is to go to my safe spot. He doesn't understand why I'm 'avoiding' him and chooses to not hear my pain and boundaries.
I am 100% confident if I work my program and the steps presented to me in Alanon that I will return to a peaceful, serene life. I am blessed to have found the 12 Steps almost 25 years ago as a struggling person with addictions to alcohol and other substances.
I am forever grateful for my experiences and know I have so much to learn. Welcome, and F2F meetings are kind of scary at first, but a gift for certain.
<<<<Hugs>>>> and welcome.
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
You wrote ´They are able to accept the A for who he or she is, and continue to live and love them and themselves despite their partners antics that are disruptive in the home life.´ Yep, that's pretty much how it works. When I first came here I knew nothing about al anon, thought I would get advice on how to help my A stop drinking. How wrong I was! The help and support I've gotten has been about and for ME. But in just a month it's made a big difference. I am learning to deal with the situation differently and even though my A is still drinking I DO love him and this program is helping me to love him without all the anger and resentment I used to feel. OK, I still feel angry and resentful sometimes, but not nearly as much. I'm feeling a lot calmer and our home is much more peaceful these days. I believe this program works if you work it. I'm glad you found this place, keep coming back.
