Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I am the problem
Post Info TOPIC: I am the problem
RunnerChick


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 254
Date:
I am the problem
Permalink  

Lately I've been given many opportunities to become aware of my self pity.

My distorted belief system where a basic precept exists: I am unworthy and undeserving and simply LESS than.
I navigate life based on this belief and my self-esteem issues and insecurities bloom.

This keeps me stuck in my self pity. Yet, I often struggle on how to dig myself out of it. I am trapped by fear of my innate inadequacy. The inner critic and chatter in my head drives the bus.

It takes SO much for me to conciously learn to talk to myself in a kinder, more gentle way. I KNOW that I am the SOURCE of my problem.
When I am with others, I often have this aching sense of being a sore thumb, not being liked, being judged. I KNOW what others think of me is none of my business but when what I think of me is a complete disaster than it takes alot of effort not to look outside of me to others for approval. It's an automatic reflex at this point.

Thanks for letting me share and if anyone else can relate, I'd love you to share your E,S&H.



__________________
kitty


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2098
Date:
Permalink  

Yes, I relate.  I didnt know what it meant to love the self, so when I attempted it a few yrs ago, I felt pathetic, pitiful and stupid - but that was old junk, stinking thinking and I realized I was perpetuating the abuse, myself.  Having these absurd perfectionism ideas to measure up against (poorly) and then abuse myself for where I was.  Talk about unhealthy!

It was very hard to change my self talk to more positive self talk but I did it one thought at a time.  Dont kick yourself, be kind and try again.  I know it feels like a fish out of water but the more u practise doing it, the easier it gets.  I couldnt even focus on me, when I first tried.  When you notice it, simply re-direct your mind.

Keep becoming healthy as your goal and keep trying and give way to the process of recovery.  You can do it and you are worth it.

__________________
Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
canadianguy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 2962
Date:
Permalink  

That is a very courageous, honest share....  I'd also add, that living in and around active alcoholism plays on our self-esteem, big time, so all in all it is somewhat of a recipe for disaster....

The value of Al-Anon, and associated recovery for us - is to rebuild our relationship with ourselves, first and foremost....  In my experience, it is pretty common & easy to really get down on ourselves - this isn't the way we had envisioned our lives, and we struggle to come to grips on how best to address this.....

Being gentle on yourself is a great first step....  fall in love with YOU again....  appreciate all the good in YOU....  I had to use some of the power of positive words, and got particular value out of a couple of phrases:

"I did the best I could, with what I knew at the time"
"You cannot eat an elephant all in one bite.... the proper way to eat an elephant is slowly, one mouthful at a time"

You are loved and not judged here....  you are worthy of happiness and serenity - always....

Take care
Tom

__________________

"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"

"What you think of me is none of my business"

"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"

 

 

 

 
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3223
Date:
Permalink  

(((RC)))

You're obviously a very intelligent person.  I can see it in your writing.  Please allow me to plant a seed in your thoughts that what you think of you is "your" illusion.  I'd be willing to bet that your friends don't have the thoughts you think they do. 

However, if that is the vibe you consistantly put out they will eventually pick up on it.

Try to be the change you want to see  :)

Christy

__________________

If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
RunnerChick


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 254
Date:
Permalink  

I KNOW Christy, that so sucks for me - big time. I completely GET that positive people attracts others - it's just a law of attraction - negative people give off the vibe of insecurity and are unapproachable.

I just described this in an earlier message to a board friend about how I feel as though I am struggling to stay afloat. I am bouyed along from my meetings and from a therapy session but I still have the undercurrent pulling me back down under.

I pray it gets easier if I work it.

__________________
RunnerChick


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 254
Date:
Permalink  

I also realized that I have been taking a ton of stuff personally.
I feel like I need everyone to be gentle with me because I am so sensitive right now and I take everything to heart and make up a "Story" behind everyone's bad mood.

I have to stop feeling so fragile I guess.

__________________
Christy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3223
Date:
Permalink  

((RC))

Something that may work for you is...when you are thinking those negative thoughts, attempt to catch yourself doing it, consciously counter with a higher vibe, happier thought.  I used this method in two different ways.  Either attempt to think the opposite or just stop, and replace it with a random, happier thought.

You kind of feel like you have ADD at first, ie: Argh! I'm so mad at me/them..stop..I love the ocean. 
or
I'm so mad at me/them..stop.. I'm kind and worthy of happiness.

Interrupting the negative thoughts makes you realize how often those thoughts are present.  Continuing to interrupt them changes the thought pattern eventually.
A long time ago my cousin sent me one of those rubber awareness bracelets. It is from "a complaint free world.org".  I was surprised at how much I complained, even to myself,  with the bracelet on to remind me..lol 

Keep tryin,
Christy

__________________

If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them.  And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Dearest, until we learn to love our self, that self hp gave us, we will always be critical of ourselvse.

I say instead of one looking at what they see as bad about themselves, look at the good! Tell oneself how kind you are, or thank whoever created you for giving you the ability to love.

Hon you are a woman, beautiful, sensual, feminine. You are smart and capable. Also emotional, dreamy, to strong and sure. But also vulinerable and scared!

Being a woman to me is so beautiful. I love the soft skin, the smell of gardea soap, pretty sheets. I love womanly things, but I also love rubber boots, my tool belt and sweatshirt!

We can be who we are and not be ashamed. Once we love ourselvse we feel comfy where ever we are. What I learned to do rc was to go places and just smile and watch people. Maybe ask them a question about themselves, get them to talk.

Almost everyone gets a bit nervous in a group.

Plus dear you are going thru a tough time, and feeling like a walking wound and vulinerable.

It can all get better as you meet challenges and do things on your own!

As you go I hope you will learn to depend on YOU. There is so much power there. What do you want? I like when someone decides what it is and goes for it. Once you are not living there, and begin another chapter we never know what will come!

ONE day at a time, one step, one decision.

hugs,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I am the problem