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OK so I'm 90% sure that I'm going to be leaving my husband this summer after I graduate from college. (Nothing's 100% in life!) I'm working my Plan B, and so far it seems solid.
My problem is this: how can I let my family know what's going on?
They've been wonderfully supportive & helped us with the wedding & we've only been married a year... AND we've kept my AH's drinking pretty much secret from them. (They may have some idea that he has a problem, but we haven't actually talked about it and he's never drank in front of them. They certainly don't know it's bad enough that I'm thinking of divorce.) So I have to tell them, otherwise... I don't even know what would happen, but it wouldn't be good.
I know that I can't control their emotions or how they react, BUT I want this whole divorce/moving situation to go as smoothly as possible, and it's going to be hard enough without that extra pressure of a less-than-understanding family. Not that they wouldn't help me if I needed it, but my husband has become part of the family, and I'm terrified that if I just move away (I'm thinking of moving out of state) and tell them as it's happening or right before, they'll try to talk me out of leaving him or be less than supportive when I'm going to NEED their support. *deep breath*
So. What is the best way to go about breaking this news to my family? We don't live in the same town, so I would either have to tell my Dad over the phone (which scares me) or go see them or... I don't know. Could I send them a letter, maybe with some Alanon brochures inside? Is that weird?
And when should I do this? Soon? Right before I go?
I'm so confused! Anybody who has had experiences like this, please share some hope with me!!
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"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
My first gut thought was to pray about it. If you're at 90% only and you've not yet finalized your Plan B, perhaps the timing for sharing is in the future.
Keep working your program, and keep praying for strength, and when the time is right, you'll know. I believe that any avenue for sharing is good. I've written my parents a couple letters about our world here. For me, it's an opportunity to edit (can't do that when talking) and also gives them the opportunity to think before they react.
If you have a local group and a sponsor, these are great items to discuss in a meeting or one on one. Best to you!
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Practice the PAUSE...Pause before judging. Pause before assuming. Pause before accusing. Pause whenever you are about to react harshly and you will avoid doing and saying things you will later regret. ~~~~ Lori Deschene
My experience was learning how to live in the day; the moment rather than the future. I had to learn how to take care of what was mine and leave the future until..."I am powerless..." helped and continues to help me tremendously. I can take care of today. The past is over and the future isn't here yet. Live in the moment. ((hugs))
I will pray about it and listen to my HP to whisper "it's time." I said 90% because I want to leave open the possibility that he might change on his own in the coming months.
And you know what my one and only New Years resolution was? To live in the moment! How did you know? LOL This has always been a problem for me, especially now, with so much to plan!
Thanks so much! :)
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"It's a job that's never started that takes the longest to finish."
~ J. R. R. Tolkien
It sounds as if your family doesn't have a lot of boundaries and may question or criticize your decision if you separate from your A.
The great thing is that healthy boundaries is part of what Al-Anon is all about, so if you work on your recovery, you'll be in a good place to deal with your family, not only about this situation but about whatever comes up. So all you have to do is to keep going on your recovery!
Hiya, I think it's a real good idea to wait to see what happens if there is a chance your A might choose recovery. Not because you are holding on to hope (which is OK too), but because if you tell them all the nasty details needlessly, that can change how they feel about him in the future.
Ya never know.... :)
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
