The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Not sure WHAT it is, but I'm feeling pretty empty and sad. I'm just trying to allow myself to feel the feelings and allow them to be so they can pass over me and not to resist or fight them.
I am tired of the cycle of self abuse and self rejection. I must remember that the answer is NOT a change in others, but a change in ME - my attitudes, my perceptions, my outlook, etc.
Yesterday we spent a little time together- watching TV - nothing big, but it was very sad. He said he wasn't sure who he was without me and I told him I understood. He looked so sad. I wanted to care, fix, save. Despite the fact that he was the one who had ended the relationship. I felt overcome with this incredible sadness and ache in my heart for him - cramped in the spare bedroom on the air mattress. I find myself wanting to get him a "real" bed or at least help him look for something else to make him comfortable. My heart strings are being pulled and not acting on it hurts. I am trying not to be consumed by emotions and feelings or allow them to be in the front seat. I've been going to my meetings and talking with program people - trying not to isolate - I am just feeling a bit hopeless.
Thanks for letting me share here so honestly.
-- Edited by RunnerChick on Monday 18th of January 2010 09:17:40 AM
+1 to you for not giving in to your feelings. Sounds like your head is making the decisions, not your heart. Keep strong and persevere! Maybe go for a run :)
(((((RC))))) You are doing amazingly well considering you two are still sharing the same living quarters! You are working a great program and THINKing things through and that in itself is wonderful. Look down at your two feet and trust in your HP that they are exactly where they are meant to be and doing exactly what they are meant to be doing! I have been trying to remind myself of the very same thing, so remember you are never alone!
love and peace, shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Its amazing how your path/journey mimics my path. My ex was over yesterday who broke up with me 5 weeks ago and left for someone else. He came over to get his stuff and we talked to try to be friends. I could tell he was hurting and struggling, said he felt like he wanted to drink again. Not knowing where he is going. I too wanted to help him, help take away the pain, but was able to reach a point in my prayer yesterday to let him go to God, knowing that God can do so much more to hellp him than just little old me. I would be so much easier to let them go - not see them or help them or support them. You are taking the hard path - the path that requires so much courage - so of course you are going to feel sad. As much as I was able to let him go yesterday to God, I still constantly feel this aching in my body - this pain that he is gone from my life. I agreed to be friends because it was the only way I could still support him and encourage him.
It also was amazing when I heard he wanted to drin k again, because it just confirmed I was still sturgling with the 3 c"s - didn't cause it particularly. Last time he left me he said it was because he wanted to drink it was so hard - now here he is without me still wanting to drink.
You are a courageous soul to keep your heart open to him. Please know you have my support and my thoughts are with you
Your awareness is remarkable. I tend to care, fix and repair every relationship I have. Setting boundaries holding to them and not so much focusing on others is hard going.
I am over 3 years out of a relationship with no contact for a year. For me personally I had to go to no contact. If I knew his whereabouts and circumstances it would be very distracting for me. I took years and years to get there.
I am every single day aware how foreign it is not to be enmeshed and not to put others before myself. However they feel is their regimen not mine.
