The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was listening to a person speak yesterday on the radio and this person said something that was like finally putting that light fixture in that dark closet that I've been dealing with and thinking about for so long.
I know in my own case, when I first started coming to alanon, I had these spiritual experiences that let me know that I was on the right track. And more importantly they illustrated for me with complete clarity that there is a power greater than me and that this power is there for me to tap into if I but open my heart and my eyes to the presence. I also came to understand that if I would take the cotton out of my ears and LISTEN to the world around me, actually listen to the people around me, that very often that Higher Power would speak to me through the voices and writings of others.
But, as we say progress, not perfection. It seems sometimes, that even after experiencing these undeniable spiritual events, I will still start doubting again. And maybe its not doubt exactly, but more a feeling of abandonment. Like, hey HP, I know you let me know you were there last month, and that you are watching over me, but, well this week hasn't been so great for me, are you still there? Did you go on vacation? And I start looking for those "signs" again. Just to let me know that, HP is still on the job.
And that's where I have been this last week. Yesterday would have been my 10th wedding anniversary, and it was the first such "anniversary" date since my divorce became final. And last Sunday, father's day, was the first one in over 10 years that I didn't see my step-sons.
So I have been looking real hard all week for my HP to be there for me, to reach out and touch me just for reassurance that He is still there for me and that all is still going according to His plan. But my eyes, ears and heart weren't really being receptive, until yesterday morning on my way to work and I heard a man talking about that very thing, looking for a sign.
And what he said, essentially is this. That instead of me looking for a "sign" that I should be a sign! And this just really hit me hard. Why that is just almost too easy! And what it meant to me was go out and be what I have been looking for, touch someone else's life today in a way that shows them that their HP is looking over them too. A random act of kindness, such as the kind that have come to be signs to me, giving a warm smile and saying good morning to a complete stranger. Stopping to help someone who has fallen down, get back up.
Go out and do a drive by!!! A drive by act of kindness. For what but the loving spirit of my HP is at work when I do this.
It is so obvious I am sure to many of you, what I am talking about and I think that I probably "knew" to do this instinctively all of my life. But I think what is new for me today, is this brief moment of clarity I received while listening to someone on the radio, that when I am really melancholy or down and when I am feeling alone and forgotten again. Somehow divorced from that contact with my HP not to wait for a sign to just be handed to me without having to work for it. Because once again it is action that gets the job down. Action on my part! Take the bull by the horns, get out there and find your HP, even better, be a sign myself! A sign to the world around me of a kind, loving Higher Power that is there for us all if we but seek Him.
I really enjoyed reading your post. I Remember when some poeple told me in a unkind way to take the cotton out of my ears and put it in my mouth. Well, to me that was forced solutions. I believe our HP/God reveals things to us in his/her own time. I hear people talking in the room and when I am ready and HP/God wants to reveal to me those sayings, then they make sense to me. David, you have been a sign for me many times :) I bet you didn't know that. You have touched my life in ways you don't even realize. You have touched many lives too I am sure over and over. At times when I see a screw, I think of you and smile :) Even though you had the anniversary and father's day dates recently, remember that you have touched so many people here at MIP and changed our lives. Keep on keeping on and being who you are. You are a great and wonderful person! yoru friend, cdb :)
I completely relate to the signs we sometimes hope for especially when we are feeling alone and during times of pain and suffering. I never understood all the pain and suffering until I put my focus on Jesus (I know you may or may have your own beliefs and I'm not talking about Jesus to try and influence you in anyway, so please don't take this wrong) As I was saying, something that helped me though discovering the true meaning behind my pain and suffering was the pain and suffering that Jesus experienced being crucified by so many cruel people full of hatred and many emotions that are returned by our addictive partners. However, Jesus had hope and he trusted in God completely... In turn, that part of history gave millions of people the ability to always know that God loves them unconditionally and more than we can imagine. How can so many people know this when there is so much pain and suffering that occurs in the world in relationships or tragic events-- because it happened to Jesus.
I guess what ALWAYS brings me back to having strength is the realization that pain and suffering are part of this world and that the only peace we can experience comes from God and ultimately rather than focus on earthly gains, set our sights on His plan for our life and eternity.
In recognizing the pain and suffering that Jesus experienced because of insensitive, cruel, unkind and just downright disrespectful and obnoxious, uncaring people, I am able to better understand what our journey here is all about. It is about knowing that God is close to us during our trials and tribulation, that life is difficult and not easy. However, what is truly important is knowing that He loves us completely and unconditionally. His main purpose for our life here on earth for this short time is to journey back to Him. Although, I get tired of so much pain and suffering, I can rest and receive peace in knowing that it is in times of trials and tribulations that God is closest to me and that Jesus suffered as all of us who love so completely do.... Knowing this, I feel blessed and thank God each day that He allows me to experience all of these emotions to strengthen my walk and relationship with Him.
I don't know if I needed your Be a Sign post or The Ant post more today. They are both striking to me so I will live my day differently, thanks to you. Keep up the great posts. :)
David, your so awesome. I love the sign's analogy. It is so true. Personally, I have never seen a HP in any form, never seen God walk down the street, never seen him heal the sick or help the poor or open a window when all the doors seem closed to me. But I have seen all of his people do so. I truely believe that we are HP's hands and feet. With out people doing his work, it sure would be hard to believe her was there for some that dont believe in any form of an HP. Time to do some footwork for me too! I think i'll go help my neighbor. heehee
Why that is just almost too easy! And what it meant to me was go out and be what I have been looking for, touch someone else's life today in a way that shows them that their HP is looking over them too. A random act of kindness, such as the kind that have come to be signs to me, giving a warm smile and saying good morning to a complete stranger. Stopping to help someone who has fallen down, get back up.