The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
AH has been doing really well and has been dry almost a week...we continue to live apart but see each other casually as we live so close to each other. we pass the time of day, share the car to go shopping, chat about our days and genuinely enjoy spending time together. he knows i have lost my trust in him but not my love. he knows i am doing what i am doing for me not him. he is learning that i will not run to his side on the slightest whim. he is gradually taking stock of his life but is not good at one thing - being in his own company. Last night he was invited out by ' a friend' and the pair got extremely drunk and stoned on the green stuff. they stumbled past where i live in the early hours of this morning. He was outside shouting "wife, wife i love you". What did i do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!!! I snuggled under my duvet until i couldnt hear him and then went back to sleep.. This morning he came round for a prerranged coffee before going to the shops with me. He said he felt rough. He mentioned several times that he felt sick, had a bad head, and that his friend had got him in a bit of a state. I showed him no emotion, i made no response other than...."oh i guess i am driving then?" took the car keys off him and we left. nothing more was said about the previous night. When we got back i dropped him and the car at his garden gate, thanked him for being helpful with the use of the car and left him standing at his gate looking puzzled, forlorn and just a little bit off colour! IT FELT SO GOOD!!!!! Having a place of my own means freedom! Having a place of my own means i have a sanctuary from the madness! Having a place of my own means i have to put up with as much or as little of this nonsense as i choose. TODAY I CHOSE NOT TO PUT UP WITH IT AND IT FELT AMAZING! :)
the more i practise the skill of detatchment, easier it gets! i am also finding that the new skill i am learning is having a direct impact on how i am with people in general, not just AH. its very useful to listen to someone's tale of woe without becoming wrapped up in it and wanting to fix it for them. Its an amazing feeling to be able to close my door of an evening and not wonder what so and so is doing the other side of it! its a relief to be able to listen to my children (25+ yrs olds) grumbling about this, that, and the other without feeling that their issues are somehow my responsibility! i am liking the freedom detatchment gives me! i am liking the new zest for life that is surging through me! i am liking being me!!!! i am in a good place, secure, and determined that from here on inwards my life will be fulfilling and meaningful. i will never lose my love for others and my keeness to help/advise if i can. The difference is that now i will help others because i want to, not because i feel i have to or that it is my duty!
