The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My boyfriend of over 2years, left me 1 month ago. I have been struggling with letting him go - he is now with someone else. I have also been struggling with my higher power, questioning why he left when we were to spend the rest of our lives together. The pain has been unyielding, constant. He left his dog with me who I have fortunately had to walk everyday. She gets me out - outside and out of myself as well. Today we were on our weekend hike and I knew my boyfriend was coming over to pick up some of his stuff (we lived together as well). I have always had a really strong relationship with god, but this has tested my beliefs and trust to the limits. Today when I was hiking I thought, how can I not trust in this power that has cared for me and watched over me - the power that I love more than anything and that I believe in more than anyone. Why can I not trust in this power to take care of my ex-love - to know what is best for him? Why do I feel I need to keep his stuff and control him anyway I can figure out how? So I decided to let go of controlling my boyfriend and give him over to God. I realized that I felt I was more powerful than the greatest power in the universe. That I felt I knew what was best better than God? How could that be? And in that moment I decided to give my ex over to God, HP, or whatever power it is that I KNOW is more powerful than I am. No stuff has greater power over God. I decided to welcome my ex back to pick up his stuff without controlling, without trying to keep it - to keep him.
Its been 7 hours. I don't know how long I can feel this "letting go and letting god" but its a start. I have been so angry at my ex, so angry at God that this happened - and none of that anger has done any good. In fact it has pushed my ex farther away from me.
I think I finally get it - this whole letting go and letting god. I can now finally say the words without just lip service and work on believing that my HP knows what is best for me better than I do. That if I truly love god, I will trust and hand over those that I love into his care.
It has been a tough day. My ex came back and I was able to talk to him, support him and say good bye without crying, without fear. I envisioned my HP surrounding him when he left. Its so hard. I don't know if I can stop obsessing and texting him and emailing but I am going to try.
Good breakthrough. It is all good and doable. My AHsober left 5 years ago after 30 years of marriage. I am still in pain but I am functioning. Today I asked my HP to take away my pain.
