The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I went to a f2f meeting today and the topic was this quote:
"If I'm not part of the problem, I'm not part of the solution."
I remember when I first got to Alanon - I thought I knew exactly what everyone else needed to do in order for me to be happy. If my ex AH would just stop drinking and go to AA, if he would stop lying and start telling the truth, if he would just grow up and be responsible ... THEN I would be happy. I remember knowing exactly what my stepfather should do to help my alcoholic mother and get her sober, and how angry I was that he didn't follow my instructions. All these things were so clear to me - if other people would just do it my way, everything would work so much smoother. All these problems could be solved if everyone would just listen!
When I got here, I couldn't rest unless everyone else was happy. If there was a conflict in my family, I had to do something immediately to smooth it over - making sure that nobody got mad at me in the process, of course. I was the self-appointed go-between no matter what the situation or who was at odds with whom.
These days I don't have any solutions for other people and I'm SOOOOO grateful. I'm so grateful that I don't have to come up with solutions to fix problems that aren't mine. I love that I can just say, "I'm sorry to hear that" if someone tells me their problem - I don't have to figure out a way to make it better or get my feelings hurt if they don't do it my way. I don't have the weight of the world on me anymore.
The discussion at our morning meeting was similar also and the subject was the slogan "Think"...Thinking keeps me out of other's business and out of trouble for very similar reasons and consequences.
Thanks for the ESH White Rabbit. I know what you say is true but some days it's such a struggle for me. It's a hard habit to break! I try to ´´just do it´´. I think it was Jerry who said in a reply to a recent post to just start with the correct behavior and the correct thinking will follow in time. (Jerry-I know that's not exactly what you said but that was the meaning I got from it. )
this is me Mrs FIX IT. I really struggle when around people who are upset, angrey , inpin. I just automatically go into rescuer mode. Having said this I have made progress since joining al non. Today everyone does not ring me with their problems as they all know I am working on me. I just need to act as if people will lear to fix things for themselves just like I have to.
"Not Reacting". What a tool. Using it will not let the weight of the world fall on your shoulders. I weigh 170 lbs., but I can remember before I put that tool in my "tool chest" there were days when it felt like my weight was more like 400 lbs. LOL
I've found it hard to get to this place. I know certainly my neighbors think that unless I am absolutely bound up in their lives I don't care. My caring now includes myself and I have limits. Over involvement was my identity for so so long.
