This week has proven to be a test of my program in many ways, and Im happy to say that I really think I worked my program good (for the most part) and finally set some boundaries for the first time in my life that I am happy with.  Ive never been good at boundaries but this week it hit me-I CAN SET BOUNDARIES!  I DO NOT HAVE TO ACCEPT UNACCEPTABLE BEHAVIOR ANYMORE FROM ANYONE!

Monday brought on the chaos of the beginning of the week, but I held my own and made it through in stride.  Bounced back and forth between happy and sad due to all the incoming medical issues that never seem to end, and decided to have the courage to change the things I can and made yet another Dr appt-this time with my family practioner to discuss some issues that I needed to talk about, and express my views on F2F. I also found out a very young 20 yr old A that I knew quite well had died last week and it really had me very upset.  This young boy had taken care of his mother two years prior and watched her die with cancer and it in turn took a toll on him and his emotional well being.  Somewhere in this world he fell between the cracks and was living in a garage in this cold weather and I was told he died of carbon monoxide poisoning from lighting a gas grill in the garage in an attempt to keep warm. 

Tuesday my program was tested in regards to financial security and I realized Thy will be done and accept the things I cant change, and I cant change none of it no matter what I think. 

Weds lead to more family drama.  I posted a comment on my myspace page and one of my family members decided to make my brother who lives 3 hrs away and does not even have myspace, aware of what I said (which was kinda funny since no ones name was mentioned I can only imagine that it was self imposed guilt that stired the pot). I spoke to all three of my family members, who are on my page (which is marked private and only available to my friends) and could have seen the comment and repeated it, but no one knew how it got to my brother.  This is not the first time I have said something and it has traveled 3 hrs down the road to my middle brother, so I thought courage to change the things you can and deleted all family members from all my profiles. The sense of relief was instant and AMAZING! Now I have the freedom to speak my thoughts without wondering when it will be repeated, or how inaccurately it will be repeated.  There was a HUGE weight lifted with that boundary and several others I decided to set this week in regard to family issues.  I love them dearly but can no longer deal with their need to create drama in my life so detachment it is.  I even spoke with my mom about this and let her know my feelings and that I would not be mending fences anymore for her sake.  I love her dearly and would do anything in the world for her but am no longer putting my serenity aside to keep the peace.   That is her issue to deal with-not mine.  And it is what it is.  Also had court today with my sons father and know that my HP was there again taking care of me and my sonJ 

Thursday lead to more family drama and I reminded myself that alcoholics are liars and master manipulators, and it is what it is and I can't change it or them,i can love them but not their disease.  But this new drama only reinforced my need for stronger boundaries when it comes to family and made me feel that I have made the right decisions to protect me and my son from the un going need for drama that some people need to survive and feel alive.

Made it to Friday and so far so goodJ  Ive given some thought to discontinuing my F2F meetings on Friday nights, and pursuing other avenues of recovery that I think will allow me to progress further along.  Im not sure if I will in fact due that yet, as my sponsor suggested another avenue of approach, but honestly Im not sure which will work best for me and my recovery at this point and that is my main and only focus right now.  It is a decision that I have been praying heavily on and will know the answer when it gets here in His time.until then I just wait and continue to do what I doJ

I've really been working on my program and I may not be posting here as often, but will continue to read and respond and keep in touch in other ways, adn I'm sure I'll be back by from time to time to check in:).  Just some changes that I need to make for me and my recovery at this point.  For the first time in my life I am making it all about focusing on what is best for me and it feels funny, but nice and scarey all at the same time. 

This truly is a wonderful program and it really does work if you work it! 

And we are worth it!!!

Love and peace,

Shelly