The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So...I really just need to get this all off of my chest. I have a friend who is clearly an alcoholic. For awhile, I thought maybe it was just college and she would get it out of her system but it doesn't appear that way. She ended up in a relationship with a bad guy who verbally threatened her and pushed her around. Given the situation we told her if she needed to get away for awhile, she could live with us for awhile (by us I mean me and my now husband but fiance at the time) since we lived across the country. Eventually it was getting closer to our wedding and my dh and I decided to get our own apartment and she got hers. She gets so upset if we don't invite her with us to do everything we do. On Christmas we went to a movie with dh and the inlaws and she was upset that she wasn't invited. On our first Christmas together!! She even had family in the area to spend it with. As soon as a holiday comes around and she has no plans with us, she gets drunk, and then I get berated via text message. Ev-er-y time. I've made small off the hand comments about her drinking. If she wants to hang out she always wants to go to the bar so I'm to the point where I say if we are going to hang out, we don't feel like drinking. Also, she got a dui a couple months ago. So I have been driving her everywhere. Which is fine but I have my only long weekend of the year coming up and she is upset that I want to be able to do something. With that long weekend I could go away with my husband and do something (we didn't have a honeymoon). But no- I will be waking up at 6:30 am to take her to work.
I get that she doesn't know a lot of people here but neither do my husband and I. And we still feel that she clings on to everything we do or say. She takes things far too sensitively. I'm at the end of my rope and just don't know how to deal anymore. I've spent many nights crying as a result of her drunken insults and I just can't take it anymore.
Should I try and mention aa to her? I know she has to start alcohol classes in about a week and a half and has to have an evaluation done as well. I'm pretty positive they will make it a requirement but as I have dealt with alcoholics in the past- if they don't want to be there, it won't make a d**n difference ya know? Do I hang in there until she hits rock bottom? I can't talk to her parents or family because they all drink so heavily and frequently that I feel it wouldn't make a difference....
Any help or suggestions are greatly appreciated :(
Nope... Al-Anon is for ANYONE who has family, friends, loved ones, etc., whose drinking is affecting you in anyway.... Congratulations & welcome, you qualify!!
Take care Tom
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 13th of January 2010 04:21:40 PM
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
The good news is.... you qualify!!! The bad news is.... you qualify!!!
There IS good news though, in that this board, Al-Anon meetings, great readings and literature on the subject - are all available to you and will help you in your journey....
Take care, and keep coming back
Tom
-- Edited by canadianguy on Wednesday 13th of January 2010 04:39:36 PM
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Aloha FF2010...I got an invitation when I first got into Al-Anon years ago and it was to keep coming back...give the program 90 days and to do as many meetings as I could during that period of time...90/90 was good and to give you an idea of how bad the disease was in the tri county area I lived in there were 439 meetings of both AA and Al-Anon a month. 90/90 wasn't a problem and I did a bit more however apart of that invitation was the "out" they gave me, "If you find that what we offer is not for you, you can leave and try something else and we will gladly refund your miseries." I didn't like any of the descriptive language for what I did..."enabling" "Co-dependency" "Co-alcoholic" (don't hear that one anymore...and I did drink with her; "her" was my alcoholic spouse the one I married after the one I didn't after the addict I was married to before that. Long story short I learned that enabling as applied truthfully to me meant as a result of everything I did to ease and lessen the problem...it only got worse!! I don't do that anymore. If you get to Al-Anon in your area and you can get there from the white pages of your telephone book usually, and you stick in the meetings one day at a time for 90 days (like I did...it's my experience) and read all the literature you can get your hands on and sit down and listen with an open mind...you will find help you won't find anywhere else. Professionals refer their clients affected by someone elses drinking or using addictions to Al-Anon because it works and works best and is also all over this planet because it works...all over this planet.
I'm glad you found this MIP portal. It is very Al-Anon because many of it's members are also practicing members of the Al-Anon Family Groups; not all. Stick around for you. Your sick friend may have a long run ahead of her that doesn't require taking you and your husband with it. Alcoholism is cunning, powerful and baffling and a fatal disease if not arrested by total abstinence. Total abstinence is a daily practice for the successfully recovering alcoholic in AA. It is done one day at a time with purpose for "self" survival. It is successful and the AA program is the tap root for Al-Anon and for that we are grateful. There is an AA board here at MIP and you can "haunt" that board and read what those affected by this life threatening disease are thinking, saying doing and gaining as a result. You can also read their stories of how far down they have gone before their drinking brakes started to lock up.
First I would like to welcome you to MIP. Always feel free to come here and "rant and rave" or just share. We have all been touched by alcoholism in our lives and can share our stories with you. You are not alone in this. Please keep coming back. Also take care of yourself, that is very important.
You will hear many times here, "take care of you". That means stop doing things you don't want to do or that make you uncomfortable. Most A's have a way of manipulating us and we jump right in to fix it for them, which is really the worst thing we can do. Until life gets very hard for them and there is no one to manipulate they continue to do what alcoholics do.
Early on my sponsor drilled in to me that "No" is a complete sentence. What the reciever did with that "no" was totally their problem. How they twisted it, guilted it, shamed it was all their own creation. Alanon has many tools for your use that will lessen the load of your current situation.
Keep coming back, Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Just wanted to add my name to the welcome list! The great thing about Al-Anon is that there are "Old Timers" here to help the newcomers (like us) and in doing so it helps them too, its a wonderful circle! Im so glad your here and keep coming back! *Hugz*
) but I know it isn't a