hi all.

i had a text last night from AH saying he missed me and the dog!  BREAKTHROUGH #1.
He never backs down.  Up until now its always been me that has made the peace, done the chasing to make things better.  I was shocked to say the least.  It was quite late when he text so i naturally thought here we go.,..drinking again and feeling sorry for himself.  

i saw him this morning as he had to have a tooth out and i had offered to drive because of the anaesthetic (even a little makes him squiffy).  He was calm, pleased to see me obviously, and full of chit chat about this and that.  He told me he hadnt drunk at all last night nor had he had a spliff.  He said he didn't sleep too good but that might have been his toothache.  He had also been to the doctors yesterday and his blood pressure had come down considerably which is good news. 

i praised him for doing so well on his own and we shared a big mac meal together over a coffee.  he asked me if i were staying away permanently.  i said that would be decided a little further down the line once we had both had chance to recover from our illnesses and taken stock of our situation.  i assured him that i am still very much his wife and that i love him dearly but that i thought this time apart would be a good way of us both dealing with our own ailments and then we could make a decision as to whether or not we could make another go of it.   i reassured him that i didnt like being apart anymore than he did but that it had to be this way for now.  he got a bit anxious that i had found someone else and was just stringing him along.  i told him that someone else is not what i want.  i want my old hubby back, the man i first fell in love with and it was up to him to find out where he was hiding.  he is in there somewhere i know he is.  and today he smiled.  for the first time since we split up he actually smiled. 

it is 10 days now since i left and the penny is dropping that there is work to be done before i can even think of going back.  my prayers tonight will be that he continues what he has started, pulls himself together and makes a real effort not just for me but more importantly for himself.   if i can believe in him he has to believe in himself.