I recently posted on my realization that there was a disconnect between the rewards I think the relationship with the A will bring, and the actual misery and anxiety of the experience.

Then I found a scientific report that says they have found that exact thing!  Apparently there are two different kinds of pathways in the brain: the wanting pathways, and the liking pathway.  There are several different wanting pathways, so it's relatively easy to activate them, i.e. to get someone to want something.  But the liking system is complex and harder to activate.  So we can easily be stirred up to want something, and that's completely different from liking it when we get it, or whether we liked it last time.

This describes my relationships with addicts to a T.  The major part of the relationship was wanting them to be more available to me (and less available to alcohol/their addictions).  There wasn't much liking actually in it.  I was just wanting the part I would like.

It helps to realize that this is just a trick of my brain and not a reflection of reality.  I want it because my brain is set up that way, not because getting it is likely.  When I am in the grip of that wanting, once more I am "going to the hardware store for bread."

Edited Note: If anyone is interested in viewing the link, please contact Mattie via PM
CG

-- Edited by canadianguy on Tuesday 12th of January 2010 02:18:27 AM