Al-Anon Family Group

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up
Post Info TOPIC: Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up
blender_girl


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 495
Date:
Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up
Permalink  

Well,  after about of month of relative peace and occasional borderline happiness, I  fell back into the trap of my soon to be ex AH's manipulation and mind games.

I see now that I had allowed myself to trust the illusion that he was doing better - getting sober.  We managed to have several pleasant (dare I say friendly?) conversations in a row.  Then BAM!!  The jerk came back.  And my own self-doubt moved back in temporarily to take me for a spin.

It's so crazy.  I actually believed what he told me for a little while, even as ludicrous as it sounded.  And let myself get defensive.  And tried to Justify, Argue, Defend and Explain myself.  no  Although I did tell him that I felt that there was absolutely nothing I could do or say that would please him - at which point he chose to end the conversation.  Interesting.  It must be true and he doesn't want to hear it.

Silly me, expecting rational behavior from him.  I think he's getting vibes from our sons that I'm doing OK and is translating that to mean that I'm telling them it's because he's no longer living at the house.  Which is absolutely FALSE.  I go to great lengths to not say anything negative about him and at least maintain calm neutrality when all else fails.  Yet I still felt compelled to go to my 19 year old and ask him if I was doing or saying anything that delivered that message to him.  And his answer was (of course) "No".

Once I got myself collected, I realized that he probably does think I'm saying this type of stuff.  After all, in his mind, no one can be happy unless they are trashing him, right?  I can admit to this type of behavior in the very distant past (going on 20 years now), but certainly not now.   And I think deep down, he knows this.

So today I'm still feeling a little angry at both of us - at his disease for playing these  games and at myself for falling for it.  I'm also feeling sad to realize that he probably believes what he's saying to be true.  But I'll be OK.  Today is a new day.  I'll be putting this (back) in my hp box and getting myself back into the now.   I just had to get this out of my head smile.gif

Thanks for listening!

Love in recovery,

bg

-- Edited by blender_girl on Monday 11th of January 2010 08:30:21 AM

__________________
Carol_Lynn


Veteran Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 86
Date:
Permalink  

thank you for sharing this.

When someone isn't good for us...

You did the right thing.

Carol

__________________
Nodaybut2day


Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 16
Date:
Permalink  

It's funny that you posted this blender_girl, becauseI recently went through the same game with my XAH. Mr. Nice Guy for several weeks and then BLAMO, I'm the evil bad guy who's denying him visitation of his child etc etc. I never even got to hang up on him; he beat me to it.

Thanks for sharing your experience; it's nice to know I`m not alone.

__________________
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
Permalink  

Bg I noticed that in my recovery too. I would open my mouth then realize, dang it I was going to ignore him when the alcohol was talking.

But in time it became natural. And now I just don't care.

To me it is like him talking and he has a fever. means zero.

I look at it as progress that you did notice it, and next time you will do better. Remember when we used to argue and be hurt by it for days on end???

Glad you spit this out! (o:

I also remember this bg, when he would be home and it was so nice for a month or two then all of a sudden out of nowhere something vile would come out of his mouth.. OH man that would hurt. It was almost like I forgot how horrible it could be.

Been told A's cannot handle success. Cannot have anything good, they ruin it before it blows up itself.

The ex told me about that murder, and some other stuff that goes on. Then says,"I don't belong here." ummmm lets see YOU knew there were consequences for your behavior, you KNEW you would go go prison next.

lets see 7 or so dui's = prison....

NOt sure what made me say that lol We just never know what will come out of their mouths from their sick brains.

God lovem.....hugs little lady, debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.
Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Slipping, Falling, and Getting Back Up