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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> BIG SLIP
Post Info TOPIC: BIG SLIP
Tracy


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 987
Date:
BIG SLIP
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Hi everyone,
well my ABF had a slip beginning of NOV and I have just realised so did I big time.
I kept going to meetings, reading, talking o sponsor but have not been walking the walk.  There re big consequences to this that I now have to face.

My ABF went straight back to AA after a 24 hr slip, he lost alot due to this slip job, respect of other and so on. He said he had took to much on in first 6 months of recovery and all pressure had lead to the slip.  He said he was living in his mums to focus on him, still wanted me in his life though.  Christamas I have shared he had no money it was also my 4oth and he did nothing for me.  He did not drink all over the holidays and was concentrating on being sober.

Now back to me. I went right back to square one I was angrey becuase he just went to his mums I felt deserted. I was upset about christmas and especially my birthday I took it all personally.  I having been gathering resentment like you would not believe.  My behavior has been terrible telling everyone family friends how he has let me down.
We had a show down yesterday ad I was nuts let all my feeling out.  Once the air was clear we had a really good talk decided that we will see ach other twice week just fun.  I will concentrate on my recovery and him his.  Me on my life and responsibilities and him his.  This way I have time to et healthy I can see at mo I am sicker than him.  I sent him a txt apologising for yesterday and praise how he is working his programme told him I am going to pick up the mirror.
He txt back that he understood how i felt and that he wanted to concentrte on his recovery so that we can be happy, healthy in the future.

Now I am left with the consequences of my slip no one else heres our converstaions my children dont want him around.  My brother whe he comes to visit say where is the D...head.  My friends dont slag him but all make little comments about how i derserve better.  Evn my sponor old me I derserve better.
I had a chat with my mum really opened up and she said if he makes me happy its my life and I must do what is right for me.
So I had better role up my sleave and really get to work on me because this last slip has made me realise how much work I have to do on me.  Everyone says I derserve better I think it is the other way around soumetimes.

thanks



-- Edited by Tracy on Sunday 10th of January 2010 10:00:08 AM

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miss lucy


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 108
Date:
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Hi tracey. am new around here but from what i am learning no-one can or should tell you what is right for you,,,what you deserve. only you can make that decision. i understand your family and friends want the best for you and must hate to see you in this position but you are in it for your own reasons like many others of us. at least your ABF has reached the stage that he will go to meetings, accept there is a problem etc. hopefully he is on the road to recovery. how far down that road he is prepared to go is up to him. likewise you have to decide how far you are prepared to go and what changes need to happen before you can decide if there is a future for your relationship. you are lucky you have the support of your mum - mine sadly doesn't want to know and its very much - you married him, you deal with him. my children are at the 'if you go back to him we dont want to know you' stage which put even more emotional turmoil on my shoulders. i have always said i will not choose between husband and children and i will do what is right for me. if there is a future for my marriage it will happen because two people have been so much in love that they have been able to work through their problems to create a better life TOGETHER; not just one of them making all the rules and the other following like a sheep!

i am finding just being able to vent my frustrations here a great help and reading other people's experiences is allowing alot of bits of the puzzle to fall into place. i hope u find the same comfort and support.

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 3653
Date:
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I know he is sick, however, from my esh part of recovery is thinking of others, learning to look outside oneself.

I may be wrong, but ya know, it would have taken seconds to make you a little card. As far as presents for the kids. All they want is his love and attention. He could get out a game and play with them for an hour.

Just because they are A does not mean they can ignore who they love in their own way. If they don't give some, then what would make us want to be around them?

I don't know what makes you say you slipped. You slipped because you would have liked just a teeny bit of attention from your A?

Maybe instead of bumping heads, maybe this could be a good boundary. Like letting the A know, hey just a little note or you washing the windows or watching a movie with me for a couple hours would have meant eveything.

A's who are in recovery do need space, however I feel they don't get to ignore people and think those people are going to hang around.

I see you working hard on YOUR recovery. big hug! Sometimes hon I think we look at what we think we don't do right, instead of focusing on the progress we make.

hugs again, debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

Status: Offline
Posts: 13696
Date:
Permalink  




Wow Tracy.  You're wide awake...good job on the getting back up with honesty and
humility.  Sometimes the only best response I can get to the problem is from HP and
not from others; not even my sponsor.   Check out the consequences you want first
and then do the things that will get you there.   Thanks for the share and wake up.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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