The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Good morning everyone...My A is away on a business trip for 3 days, so I'm trying to do some special ME time for a couple of days...but life keeps getting in the way.
By the way, at 2:30 am yesterday, my newest grandson was born, weighing over 9 pounds! What a gift and a blessing for his health.
I'm trying really hard to get back to working my program. Somewhere along the line, I guess I thought I was so important that I had to give of myself to the point that nothing was left over to take care of me. A little talk with my HP let me know that although I matter, the world will continue to revolve if I say "No" every now and then.
Last week my A commented that my Al-Anon books were still stacked in the bathoom, and since it's been over a year since he drank, shouldn't I put them away. I explained they were a valuable tool, but kinda left it at that. He also mentioned that things weren't where they should be in our conversation. I was unable to lie to him, but I was also unable to open myself up to a real honest communication with him.
So many times, anything I say gets turned around to where I'm wrong, or I'm the crazy , so now I just don't bother trying for a deep meaninful conversation. Things aren't bad, they are just THERE, and I try to just offer the situation up to my HP, and remember the quote, "This too shall pass".
Sales at the new shop are so SLOOOOW, and we're so broke. But, I already put our financial situation in the hands of my HP, so I am cultivating faith that His will shall be done. Course, I'm scrimping and saving to help Him along!!!!!
Thanks for letting me share...there's a dam somewhere inside me that will break one of these days, but for now, just sharing the little concerns of my day with you whom have been through the trials makes my life a little saner.
Congratulations on your new grandson!!!! I have been blessed with 4 grandchildren and have the greatest time playing with them.
I recall after I was divorced from my first husband, the alcoholic that brought me to alanon, my father asked me why i continued to go to alanon. I told him that I learned that alanon wasn't to get him to stop drinking but it was for me to learn to live a happier, healthier life. Perhaps if your husband hears that alanon is for you, he won't feel so threatened by it.
After I divorced my first husband, I married again...to another alcoholic!!! This one is in recovery. But just because he is in recovery doesn't mean he doesn't slip into that old alcoholic behavior. For that matter, it's something I can do so easily too. When that happens, I really have to grab onto my program with both hands. Alcoholics are excellent manipulators and I often felt the same way about getting all twisted around. I learned in this program that I don't have to take responsiblity for anyone else's thinking or actions. So when he would twist my words around so that I felt crazy, I could say...wait a minute...this isn't my thinking. I don't have to own his thinking. And I could let his craziness go and not make it mine. I have also grown in self confidence from this program so that I can now tell him that I don't agree with his thinking. And I have learned that I don't have to say it mean. It has allowed us to have more meaningful conversations. We both can only go so far before we get too scared to continue but, with the help of alanon, we have made progress.
I just want to thank you for posting your venting. It has allowed me to look at how this program continues to help me...whether the alcoholic is drinking or not.
Thanks for your response...it just always helps to know others feel the same as me. I liked your quote about talking til you both get too scared to go on. We both know that only the surface of our marriage is "okay", and we currently avoid the deeper stuff. All I can do about that for now is to be aware, and hope the time comes to mend our bridges. So, I take it one day at a time, and I'm grateful (most of the time) that he's sober. Baby steps can take us as far as a giant steps, if we keep it up.
Again, thanks, and the best of luck to you and yours
This is number 4 for us, and we're so grateful for him and his health. One granddaughter lives in Fla, and recently the other two left for Virginia via divorce. We miss them so, and feel this one's arrival gives another chance to do the grandma/pa job!
Thank you for your reply....may your day be blessed...Geneva
Congratulations on your new grandson. I think that this new entry into the world can be a wonderful tool for your own recovery. Keep the focus on you. You deserve it.
well as you all have seen my post lately i was in alot of anger and pain it not all gone but one thing i saw from all the people postingf to me who cared about me deb ,kis, jeanie,.tt, and others even when i was real mean.
it finally snapped today that is the problem i havent gone on i stopped i died i was afraid of liveing i am afraid to live.
i cant live until i grieve and i am more afraid of that so that is what i am diveing into and hopely come out on the other side.
congraduation on grand child it is about liveing isnt it
