The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I want to thank all of you for responding to my post yesterday in reference to attending a meeting at the same location as EXABF.
I have decided, that for now, for today, I won't be attempting to do so and will just be sticking with my Friday night home group.
I realized after thinking about it probally WAY to much, that even if I went and got to the meeting without running into him, I would be so anxious about the possibility of running into him afterward etc that I would not get anything out of the meeting and would not be able to focus on my recovery while in it-which was the sole purpose in even considering it.
That's not to say I won't EVER go to that meeting, but I'm not ready to go yet-and that's ok too. Last year I would never have even considered it so that is progress:)
Truth is I still care very much for him and hate him all at the same time, and have been struggling daily with the hamsters in my head when it comes to him. For some reason this week especially he keeps getting in my head and I fight to let go. There are many unresolved feelings there and though I know we can't relive the past and can only move forward and I have no desire to relive the pain. I know that if there is even a SMALL chance that I could run into him that it could probally impede my progress and set me back like it did last year, that's not a chance worth taking.
I know I will probally run into him eventually, sometime, someplace and I'm hoping that when HP lets that happen, it will be when He knows I'm at a safe place emotionally in my recovery and I'll be ok with it......now's just not the time.
Thank you all sooooooooo much for your ESH with this situation:)
love and peace shelly
__________________
Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
Personally I know many many people who went to meetings of their ex's and chose to obsess about it. They always felt the shares were geared towards them. What a great great boundary you have. That takes courage and the willingness to know your limits.
Well As you had mentioned in another post, there is ALWAYS a Sunday Meeting and there is ALWAYS an Extra Chair, I understand & respect you wanting to make it all mine, but in reality, if it was all mine, then I wouldn't be in recovery.... I need you there just as much as all the others, and tho we are close... I still learn from your shares, & ESH as much as any one there... Please don't EVER think your impossing on me, by showing up...As I have told you... in the winter, I do go to yours more then summer, but I embrace the chance to learn & grow from ALL Meetings I attend, with All Involved... ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT!!!!
So I'll Keep You a Seat Warm... At OUR Meeting....
PS... Em... was there Sunday as well & She looked like she is doing MUCH Better... I"m sure you are a part of that as well ;o) Love & hugs to ya ;)
Jozie
PS... I believe you made the Right Decission in your Quest... At Least for Now, I know what it would do to me if I was in your Shoes... Way To STOP & THINK and way to work it out with HP...
I smile now everytime I think of your Photo Frame... ;) I'm curious how long it stays "Sideways" ;) Remember Chic... Were "Going In Sideways" Kickin & Screamin so enjoy it while ya can .... Love ya...
-- Edited by Jozie on Wednesday 6th of January 2010 01:52:34 PM
Shelly - as a new member here, I just wanted to tell you that I get a lot out of your posts and sharing! And, I love the "hamsters in my head" quote - priceless and very much how I feel very often. I may have to steal it!
