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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> What do I say to my 8 year old?
Post Info TOPIC: What do I say to my 8 year old?
cbcali


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What do I say to my 8 year old?
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My husband is in recovery - my 8 year old knows he can't drink alcohol.  When we went out to eat he said he was drinking beer, it was root beer.  I told her it was root beer.  She knows he isn't supposed to drink alcohol.  Later when we were home she asked, "what will happen to daddy if he drinks alcohol?".  I just said he can't stop drinking it and he will get drunk.  Is there a better response?  Thanks.

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hotrod


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Hi Cbcali  Welcome

Your  8 year  old is much to young to have to worry about daddy.

I think I would simply say "He will get sick".  Alcohol makes many people sick when they drink it.

Keep coming back 

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abbyal


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That was an honest answer , no need to elaborate . Al=Anon prints a book for pre teens it's called WHATS DRUNK MAMA  it will explain the disease of alcoholism , will reasure her that this is not her fault , will also help her understand her dads disease , it will teach her respect for her dad but to also respect and take care of herself .   it truly is an amazing book .  It is not being printed anymore but I understand it can be purchased on line .   I hope u are attending Al=Anon meetings for yourself , it is the best way I know of to support our A's attempt at recovery . 
    Our kids are the ones who worry about what is going on in thier home , they hear the arguments they feel our moods but they don't understand why its happening . 
I have worked with alateen for along time and every child I ever met felt it was thier fault , if they had cleaned thier room when  asked , if they were smarter , if they didnt make so much noise when playing  * daddy wouldnt drink *   they miss nothing .  Louise

-- Edited by abbyal on Monday 4th of January 2010 02:37:49 AM

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serching-sandy


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It's a good question, my girls asked me last night why I was crying.. I thought they were asleep.. they don't miss much of anything and I don't know how to talk to them either.. I do not want to turn them against thier father. but I feel he is doing just that all by himself. I don't want my girls to hide like I use to, don't want them to hurt like I still do.. growing up in an alcoholic home was no fun. guess the only plus is my A is not abusive like my father was.. not much joy in that but it's something.. my girls are 12 and 10, I will look up "WHATS DRUNK MAMA" (don't like the title) But if it helps, I'll take what I can.. Thank you for posting this..
Hope everyone The best of everything..
Sandy

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canadianguy


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You may have to dig a little deeper to find that book that Abbyal suggested.  Al-Anon stopped printing it several years ago, but you can generally find used copies from Amazon or other book sites.  I found it a helpful book when my kids were small, as it explains the sickness at a level where they can understand it....  The other option is: 

An Elephant In the Living Room - The Children's Book (Paperback)

~ Jill M. Hastings (Author), Marion H. Typpo (Author)



My sponsor taught something valuable for talking to my kids about the whole alcohol/addiction thing....

1. I am responsible for my relationship with the kids, and not my wife's.....  As in, when they were longing for their love, I couldn't answer those questions for them, I could only hug & love them, and reassure them that they are safe and loved....

2. It's difficult, but try to never put down your A in front of your children.


Hope that helps

Tom

-- Edited by canadianguy on Monday 4th of January 2010 11:29:24 AM

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Jerry F


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It is also a dialogue question...You can ask your child about what they think it means and
how does it appear to them?   They need to take in (like us) and give out  (like us).  She
will come to an understanding and hopefully less fear.  Once he starts he can't stop is
information that AA uses in their meeting rooms too.  It's a fact with a majority of
alcoholics so therefore is good information.  She is as powerless of it as we all are and
so dialogue.

(((((hugs))))) smile

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cbcali


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Thank you all, for all your responses. I will check out the books you recommended and the words of advice are very helpful in an emotional and practical sense. I'm so glad I found this site.

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