whats left to say!? - Al-Anon Family Group

skyy · Member

whats left to say!?

Melissa21 · Senior Member

Welcome skyy, I'm glad you are here!

The 3 C's of Alanon are:

I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it.

No matter how hard you try it's just not going to work. In Alanon you learn to focus on yourself and get your life back and find serenity.

Can you get to Alateen meetings in your area at all?

Keep coming back and sharing it will help!! There are lots of great people here.

Tattyhead · Senior Member

(((hugs))) Skyy. My (now departed) Mother was an alcoholic - not all my life but from my late teens onwards. It was awful but I had to make the decision to get on with my life and leave her to hers. I left home and made my own way, though of course, I never lost touch. She visited me the maternity unit when I had my first child and whipped out a gin bottle for a quick slurp right there, in the ward!

You are not responsible for her, Sweetheart. There is nothing you can say that will make her stop - she can only decide that herself, if she ever does.

I'm so pleased you found your way here. You are among friends many of whom are experiencing or have experienced just what you are going through. Get the alateen literature if you haven't already. Keep coming back and you might try the chat room (link at the top of this board).

Love, Tish xxx

DreamXL · Senior Member

Sky...welcome and so glad you are here...we have on line meetings twice a day in the alanon meeting room, please join us if u can. One at 8am central and one at 8pm. The emotional termoil you are feeling I am so sorry for...but hear is the good news..:) It has absolutely nothing to do with u..as hard as that is for you to believe being her daughter ..it doesnt. With addiction people lose their kids, spouses, jobs and even their lives. It is bigger than anything or anyone and no one comes before an addiction. It is sad ...so very sad...We are powerless over this. Please try to read as much as you can about addiction and learn as much as you can it will help you so much. Please try to join us for a meeting if you are able. You will see that you are not alone and it is not you..what a relief that will be in itself. Prayers your way and so so glad at your young age you are looking for help...it will change your life....(((hugs and prayers)))))...Hope to see you soon.............There is no situation that is hopeless even though you may be feeling that way....so glad you found us........:)

barbara lewis · Member

There is not much to say or do but pray for them and take care of yourself the best of your ability. My husband came home last night toasted and he was sicking for me to look at . So instead of me fussing at him ori belittling him I just kept a straight face and kept praying. You know I am majoring in Psycology and I needed 70.00 to secure my classes for the next semester. He says he doesn't have the money to give me he says that I should further my nursing career yes I HAVE BEEN IN THE NURSING FIELD FOR A LONG TIME. But will I ALLOW THAT TO STOP MY GOALS NO. Since he thinks he is always right I told him I have no opinion. He wanted to talk during his getting high and drunk stupor.

barbara lewis · Member

Sky hang in there for so long I tried to change my husband now I know it is him that has to want to change. Prayer and getaching is what is working for me.

barbara lewis · Member

thanks Melissa I will remember the 3'cs

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

1. Q. How do I know if Al-Anon is the place for me?

A. Al-Anon is for friends and relatives of Alcoholics. If you have been affected by someone elses drinking then Al-Anon is for you!

By going to the following link:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Skyy I found it so very helpful to find others who were going thru what I was. You can go to this link to find meetings near you. They have Alateen for younger ones. But you are plenty ready for Al Anon!

I encourage you big time to find a meeting and get thru that door. I know it can be hard. Was for all of us. But just like here, we love it when new ones find us.

I was so fortunate to not have A's in my family. However I did have a mother who had horrible migraines. Just a miniscuel thing compared to your situation.But I remember feeling so guilty she hurt. I would need a ride somewhere and she would take me me feeling awful. of course the whole time I didn't have any fun.

I had no one to talk to about it. So I am hoping you will find meetings something that will help you. Ya don't have to talk unless you want to. People take turns sharing.

We have meetings here in our chat room if you want to get an idea what they are like.

Many of the people here have gone thru what you have and are.

Please keep coming! love,debilyn

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP! You are not alone. Many of us have suffered too. Alanon has alot to offer us. Literature, meetings, sponsors, and experience/strength/hope from members. It may take awhile to comprehend that it is a disease and they and we are powerless. Keep coming back.

In support,
Nancy

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Skyy...you are qualified for the rooms of Alateen which is a part of the Al-Anon
Family Groups. Soooo that makes you qualified for Al-Anon also. Chances are where
you are at that there a meetings in your area. Check the link afgwso.org and look up
what is available in your area or go to the white pages of your phone book and look up
Al-Anon and call that hotline number.

Your Mom knows...If she has been to AA she knows more than a drunk who hasn't been
there. She knows you are hurt and hurting however to an alcoholic booze comes first.
It is a mind and mood altering chemical and it owns her.

I had to look at my alcoholic wife as two persons and know which one I was with at the
time...My wife or my alcoholic. That made a lot of sense to me and helped me a lot.

Stick around here with us and join with us and we help each other get well. Try the
Alateen link and see if anyone is in the rooms in the meantime so that you might
confide with others about your age.

In support (((((hugs))))) smile

skyy · Member

Thank you so much everyone for your support. Everything everyone said means alot to me. and i would love to attend alateen meetings. my mom does feel like shit. she apoligizes all the time and she promises shell never slipt agian....... weeks later she does, sometimes less.

ythannah · Senior Member

Welcome, skyy... you're definitely not alone.

Except for the "sober for 9 months" part, you are exactly where I was 29 years ago. My mother never did attempt sobriety and, sadly, her alcoholism killed her a few months ago. Proof to me of just how powerful this disease is, because she'd had several hospitalizations in previous years and knew that alcohol was damaging her health beyond repair, and she was sooooo ashamed of what she was doing.

But I didn't escape unharmed, because I did have relationships with alcoholics later in life.

Now I wish that I had gone to Al Anon when I was younger, so I could have worked on my own recovery..... instead of waiting til the age of 46.

skyy · Member

Heyy, im so sorry to hear about ur mother passsing. I hope that my mother turns direction, bc im affraid that could happen to her. She promised me today that shes going to attend her meetings again; and I beileve her ... I think the guilt she feels is worse than I could imagine... despite her drinking, shes a wonderful mom... but I hate when she "changes" to "mom after a few drinks". B//c of her drinking my whole life... i have my own issues and its hard to deal with. I suffer deppression, and im to independent to even, respect what my elders tell me, b/c i don't feel that they are superior to me. Not saying that im disrespectful... I'm FAR from that... im extremly kind. but I feel like a 30yr old, in a 17 yr old's body!!!!

skyy · Member

I like how you said " you had to look at ur wife as 2 people".... b/c thts EXACTLY how it is. I don't even need to talk to my mom to know if shes been drinking... all I have to do is look at her, her face is diffrent... she stands diffrent... the way she talks is diffrent... her memory is shit... and shes a completly diffrent person... when I was younger it was scary... but now I'm older and it just pisses me off!!, and she'll be like... "Skyy I haven't been drinking!" and It's like... mom!, I wasn't born yesterday!!! I know the diffrencce now, I'm not crazyy, I can tell when shes acting wierd, and it worrys me, expecially when she drives drunk... we've gotten in a few bad fights, b/c I wouldn't let her drive drunk; I took her keys and hid them, and LITTERAlly fought her to keep her inside. My mom is also a very strong women, but when shes drunk... or even just had one drink, I could basically throw her... I just want her to realize that its poison, and shes gonna lose me, if shes doesn't prove to me that shes trying, all I ask is that she trys !

skyy · Member

I know it's not MY fault, but I also know that I stress her out, which doesn't help, and I know A LOT about addiction, but I don't blame her, But I KNOW she could stop, she did it before.

skyy · Member

Barbra, I know im probably much younger than you, but my grandma was with an Alcoholic for years, until he passed away, from a brain anurizim. and your situation sounds scary, if you feel threatened by him.... get out now, no matter how much you love him when hes sober, you gotta remember him drunk, and remember that it is still him, i fear that he might hurt you, or worse... and I'm sure you could do much better. Trust me, he could be the best man in the world when hes sober, but once hes been drinking if he scares you, please don't allow him to control you. If you wan't to major in psychology, DO IT!!! it's yourrr life, not his.... I wish the best for you !!!!!

pineapple · ~*Service Worker*~

Skyy, it's hard to believe you're only 17, you sound so much older in your posts. But I guess living with an Amom makes you grow up faster. But being mature for ones age is not a bad thing. I know what you mean when you say your mom becomes a different person when she drinks. My husband is the same way. When sober he is loving, generous, intelligent, all the good things I wanted in a partner. When drinking he becomes stupid and selfish. Just try to remember that it's not your fault, it's a disease and she can't help it. You made a good first step by coming here. Please keep coming back and let this program help you. And remember that whatever is going on with your mom you need to take care of you!

skyy · Member

Thank you Pineapple. I wish the best for you and your husband. and I hope tht he recovers... I haven't expierenced being with an alcoholic , as in ; in a relationship... but I can imagine its scary, to not know if your gonna get the one you love, or if hes gonna be intoxicated....That would worry me.....

barbara lewis · Member

melissa I just can't seem to get those 3'cs from my head I can't cure it ,I can't control it and I can't stop it Only one to stop it is God

barbara lewis · Member

Sometimes it takes us longer than others to figure things out. But now that I have placed my honeny in God's hands. He does not know what to do got him on a wonder . Its about living each day to the fullest.Thank-you guys each and everyone of you. It has been going on far too long now it has to stop right now.

barbara lewis · Member

sky thank you soo much for those words of incouragement keep the writing coming look forward to hearing from you in the very near future like now.

barbara lewis · Member

you are never to old or too young to start living . I am older than you are and my life is really just beganing . Whenever you are ready to live than do it .

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.