Just a little question.... - Al-Anon Family Group

fishinmama · Veteran Member

Just a little question....

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

For me Fishing grief is a feeling of profound loss and sadness accompanied by a very
depressed spirit...huge downer. The opposite of it is the feeling that I am okay and
being very well looked after and cared for by HP and others. I like the question.

smile

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

there is alot about grief in our literature , our book transforming our losses is amazing . Grief is diff for everyone , we grieve the loss of relationships , marriages , finanical loss , and of course death , and its over when it's over . period .

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

fm it is my experience everyone responds to loss a different way. That responce is grief.

What to expect? For me I never expect anything and take things as they come. The first loss/grief I had was my first husband being in an accident and dieing a week later. There was nothing I had ever gone thru that was as horrible. I felt him die, there is no question, I still remember. I was on the floor next to him sleeping in the ICU

When I think of grief now, I think of this huge fog at first where nothing matters. Things feel out of place.
Then I go thru this what I call rawness. Nothing can be swept under the rug, every thing I saw or felt was too real. Was not on tv, was not someone elses loss, was totally mine.

I am overwhelmingly wore out when grieving and need naps. For me I come to my senses and realized it just does not matter if I wear one blue sock and one black one. Or if I feel like leaving my rubber boots on when I go to town.

All the bs I thought was sooo important, isn't anymore and never will be again. For me it brought me to being so uncritical, humble, loving, forgiving, but also have an underlying fear that everyone is going to die and everything is.

Every person I have lost, and animal family, when I lose someone again I go thru every other loss I ever felt. It's like I had some unfinished healing to do. It never gets easier.

But it does allow me to do what I choose to do before I lose someone. I mean I do what I feel to do. Like pulling the recliner next to mothers bed to hold her hand all night.

Or to put my arms around her all the time and protect her from the cold crabby people of the world like nurses and doctors. Some of them. I carried a chair from the waiting room to the room where they expected her to sit on this cold hard wood bench waiting for an ultrasound.

Grief can make people run away, panic, not be able to face it. Grief can turn people on to go fw. to say ok what can I do?

My life is living with grief depression.

I want to say too, for me, grief has made me even more sensitive to be so in love with simple things. NOT shopping or roller coasters or whatever. I get so happy from watching kids be silly, watching people, seeing my puppies chasing each other, grabbing my Great Pyrs tail, my grandson getting a total blast from throwing rocks in to my pond...

Grief to me is not just a raw open wound. It has taught me to be who I am. It also makes me so totally be kind to others who are hurting.

hugs,and what is happening in your life that you ask hon? debilyn

nmike · ~*Service Worker*~

For me it has been deep sadness because of a loss.

In support,
Nancy

Overcome · Senior Member

Fishinmama grief has 5 stages:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

For me, so far in this life, the greatest grief that I have felt has been at the loss of my father. Close on the heels of that (in time and severity) was the loss of our 5 generation family farm.

First was the denial that my dad (and the farm) were actually gone. Then came the anger. I remember actually being at his graveside and yelling at him and kicking the dirt of his newly dug grave angry that he had "left" me with the farm.

Bargaining came next with the farm. It was how could I manage to make it work. Bargaining my way out of this mess was just not possible, so a depression set in.

Now, 8 years after my dad died, and a year after losing the farm, I can finally say that I've reached acceptance of the situation. The last year has been hard, and I have gone through the 5 stages of grief many times. But as one member said, " and its over when it's over . period . "

Hope helps.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.