The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Being new here I'm learning so much. but I also have many questions. One question I've wondered about...Does your A partner know about your participation in al anon and that you are working on your own recovery? I haven't mentioned it to my A but it seems he must have noticed a change in my attitude (no more yelling, or crying when he gets drunk, no more waking him up when he passes out outside, no more fixing him food and coaxing him to eat, etc., etc.) On the other hand, he's pretty oblivious when he's drinking so maybe he hasn't noticed at all. Whether he has or hasn't noticed doesn't really matter of course, the main thing is that I an finally feeling some sanity and peace return to my life. But I am curious if others share this with their partners and what the response has been.
I'm pretty lucky, my A partner drnks all day everyday so must have built up some tolerance to the affects of alcohol, so I can easily have conversations with him. he is not violent towards me but does have quite a temper. He encourages me to go to alanon and to do anything that will help me. His ex wife had no understanding at all and he thinks its great that I am willing to join things like this.
Yes. My A is in recovery and he is aware that I am also. We are honest with each other and I find that is always the best policy. I do think it is easier for us to be honest with each other now that he is clean and sober. I also like that we can both be honest with our parents about what is going on now. I tried to hide his addictions from my family for a long time. We are adults so it seemed silly hiding things from our parents. Being honest about my recovery just feels right to me. Hope that makes sense. :)
Yes, and i'm so very blessed. We used to go to meetings together a lot (open AA meetings or we'd go to our home group and go to meetings separately at the same time), but we have a 3 month old and right now it's hard. I'm soooo blessed that we're both in recovery.
My husband is supportive, but doesn't get involved in my recovery. I try to stay out of his, as much as I'm able. Sometimes I fall down, but I've come so far since I got here. I know enough to know that I have enough of my own problems to focus on without trying to focus on his.
Again, I don't take my situation for granted. I'm grateful beyond words.
When I was still married to my alcoholic and coming to meetings she once or twice had a Knee Jerk reaction about me going to Al-Anon. She was angry that I was talking about her LOL Never once mentioned her and when I referenced my alcoholic who would know who it was? Anyhow she never let it get inbetween her and her next drink...never missed a beat. Soooo important...NOT!!
You're not going for him...you're going for yourself and you're getting better; kinda a "win/win" situation. You stay out of his drinking and that's a relief for him and you get healthier mind, body, spirit and emotions and thats definitely a relief for you.
I was in al anon for two years before my partner went in to AA. I was very honest with him from the start that I needed help. I explained it was for me not about him. If he asked me questioneds I anserwed as homestly as i could. we too have been to meetings together but try and keep our recoverys seperate he focuses on him and me on me.
Mine encouraged me to go to Alanon when he got into rehab. Even when he relapsed he knew I was still going. Once in awhile in his drunken state he would say that he would sue me if I ever talked about him in the meetings! Yeah, didn't take that seriously. I would have gone regardless if he knew or didn't know. I felt comfortable telling him that I was going to a meeting or doing an online meeting. Love and blessings to you and your family.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
Yes, he knows. I told him after I had been to two meetings. He was surprised, asking are things really that bad? Then he was defensive, asking what do I talk about and that everyone must think he's an awful person. I explained that I am going for me, that in al-anon the focus is on me and not him. A few times he'd ask if I'm done yet, or he'd try to make plans for Monday nights so that I wouldn't go to my meeting, or say "well if you go, then I'll go out drinking with so-and-so", but I always went regardless, and he got the picture. Now he assumes I'm going, and even asks me afterward how it went. Though he does slip back into his "change back" attitude and suddenly hates al-anon again, but I think that is because it is making him face his own guilt instead of passing it off to me.
My wife knew form day one I was going to Al-Anon. She wasn't to happy about it bacause they usually are concerned that we are talking about them. She attends AA and I remember the time I found a resentful list she had filled out on a form from AA. It was out in plain site so I figured she wanted me to see it. Anyway on her resentful list--- God was # 1,--- I was #2, ---and Al-Anon was #3. I was a little upset for a minute, then I thought, what a wonderful and safe place to be. I was in between God and Al-Anon.
I'm sure you have seen the question on this site. The alocholic is going to do what they are going to do, what are you going to do? One answer to that question for me is, I'm going to attend my two Al-anon meetings each week. I have one tonight (Mon.) and a different group tomorrow night (Tue.). At the Tuesday night meeting I am the only male in a room with 10 or 12 ladies. I refer to them as my "Crazy Ladies", because the first night I attended over three years ago they were all talking about how alocholism had made them crazy. After about two meetings I realized I was just as crazy as they were, and that we were all in the same boat paddling in the same direction. I love them all, they are a great bunch.
The subject hasn't come up between me and my still active A. As mentioned in the first post it seems like he should have noticed a difference in my attitude, but he doesn't notice a whole lot when he's drinking. Thanks for sharing everyone. I feel so good about this program and how much it's helped me in the short time I've been involved with it. I think I want to tell my A about it. Will wait for a time when he's sober and try to discuss it with him.
