The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
After 3 pretty ghastly years, I can honestly say I look forward to 2010 with hope. Hope, that I am absolutely certain, would not be there for me without this program. So much to be grateful for!
I am healing. My children are healing. There is a level of peace and contentment that is settling in my home. I have waited so long. It could not be forced, could not be willed, could not be made. I honestly thought it was not possible, but turns out it may very well be. It had to come from inside of me, and the serenity this program has given me, because I chose to "keep coming back."
For three years now I have kept all the correspondance I have had with my exAH (as our marriage dissolved) under my mattress. ( And I wonder why I couldn't sleep?) This hiding place was primarily to keep it from the eyes of my children, though tonight I am not quite sure why I even felt so compelled to keep it in the first place. I removed it. All of it. Not one second of 2010 will be spent with that toxicity beneath me. I am ready, finally, and the freedom that grants me brings relief, and excitement too. My next step is to decide what to do with it all. While burning or shredding seem the most logical, I am leaning toward going through it with someone I trust (my sponsor or counselor) so that I can see where I was, feel the feelings, and finally let it all go.
My 12 yr old daughter is at a sleepover with some friends. My 16 yr old son initially chose to spend the evening with me. Then, an appealing invite came along, and he so sweetly asked me how I would feel if I was alone, and if he could go to a friend's house. I could genuinely say, "I am fine. I love you. Go have fun". I spoke with the parent of the home he was going to, and felt good with my decision and pleased that I made it all by myself.
Thus, I spent the evening with my 5 yr old. We started the evening by having a "party" with the neighbor kids, followed by a mean game of Carnival Monopoly, and a finale of falling asleep in front of Scooby Doo. Really a perfect night. Tomorrow we will go celebrate the New Year at a party with friends.
As for resolutions, I just plan on moving forward one day at a time. I will keep coming back, continue to work my program in Al-anon, learn to love me, and know that my HP is doing for me what I could not do for myself.
Peace and Blessings you all in 2010,
Lou
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Every new day begins with new possibilities. It's up to us to fill it with the things that move us toward progress and peace. ~ Ronald Reagan~
Sometimes what you want to do has to fail, so you won't ~Marguerite Bro~
Thats some pretty awesome serenity Lou...and a pretty good choice with what to do with the letters. Making use of them for self improvement how imaginative. I hope you get another mile or so of growth and know you'll have a couple less lumps under you at night. Happy 2010 to you and your family. Looking forward to your ESH.
