The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
One fact must be kept in mind, namely, the need to distinguish between submission and surrender . In submission, an individual accepts reality consciously, but not unconsciously. He or she accepts as a practical fact that he or she cannot at that moment lick reality, but lurking in the unconscious is the feeling, there'll come a day , which implies no real acceptance and demonstrates conclusively that the struggle is still on. With submission, which at best is a superficial yielding, tension continues.
I copied this from a post of Jerry's. I have read and reread this and thought about it alot. The two lines that scream at me are there'll come a day and tension continues.
there'll come a day for me leads to practicing future conversations in my head..fantasy thinking...manipulative thinking...sick thinking which causes in me tension to continue.
So a whole new awareness into my on going tension.... I need to get out of my denial state of submission, superficial yielding, ...I really thought I was past all this. I had told myself I was going through a grief process. Now I wonder have I been in fantasy land? What is grief? Hopefully this awareness will lead me to the actions I need to take to gain acceptance.
On the bright side my daughter is working on an aa program meetings the whole works..it gives me joy but I just know how difficult the working the program is...I feel as if I am in a wait and see mode. Watching actions and not listening so much to words. I am very proud of her though and incourage her to stick with it. I know I have to work my program and The truth is I have to keep the focus on me. I am seeing that I am not only physically sick but also spiritually ill as well. Guess Hp wanted my attention so he slowed me down and gave me all this free time to work on the important things..I do miss the distractions of work, didn't have so much time to think when I was busy.
I think I am rambling here but sometimes just taking the time to put the thoughts on paper are freeing and responces from you can be enlightining.
I agree wholeheartedly, surrender and submission are entirely different. In fact it wasnt until I did surrender to HP and surrender my way & my ideas on how things should be (all my own judgements) is when things changed. When I was in that submission mode, I was still in complete resistence, living in my fantsies/manipulations and not accpeting my powerlessness over others. When I surrendered to this moment and god to where I was surrendering and giving over to HP - then and only then did everything change.
I'm a lot happier now and I dont waste my energy anymore. I can accpet reality, offer HP/god my worries and deal with what I can do today (me) and in so doing, I continue to inspire myself. (Where as before I focused on what I couldnt do and it was constantly demoralizing).
I did go through a fair amount of time where I did have to grieve the life I thought I would have but didnt. And whatever else I felt I missed out on. Once I did that, I was better able to deal with reailty. I had to forgive myself many many times, for not living up to my own expectations and for being hurt by this disease. Now I dont have expectations and I can take life as it is happening. Projecting on future events (created a lot on unnecessary fear) and only ever took me away from what I can do right now to empower myself today & enjoy my life.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Yay!!...What a piece of spiritual insight for me when it first was brought to my attention and I started learning what it mean't and how to practice it in Al-Anon. It took me to the point where I didn't even peek over the soulder of a recovering alcoholic or anyone else for that matter that wasn't my business. Surrender was truely "Turning it over to God" and then standing still, looking down at my feet and asking myself "where am I at?" and then looking straight up and asking my HP "where do you want me?". Submission for me was like wearing velcro as an outer garment and all that got stuck to it was stuff that was none of my business and concern. I don't know where the coat is today Yay!! Maybe it was taken by another candidate for this program...Booooo!!
WOW Great shares everyone. Yes I too fooled myself and walked around with that Velcro coat. It ws no doubt Jerry's and I agree the difference between having the courage to really Trust HP and Let Go is very very powerful.
This week at my 3rd Step meeting I remembered how hard it was for me to even find my will in the beginning. I had hidden it under a great deal of "acting nice and manipulation" Whe I found this very loud voice withinthat was yelling "I DO NOT WANT TO" I understood that many of my problems were self created.
I did not want to do anything!!!! I wanted the world to change to suit me and I just wanted to sit around and manage it all. Hp ad Other ideas!!!
As i talked I became aware that that voice is again loud and clear in my head. I do not have to act on it today. Just be aware, talk about it and surrender.
umm, Jerry I might have picked up something of yours. OK if I bring it out to the burn pile and sacrifice it up to a new way of dealing with things? Hopefully none of us will need this old coat anymore. Thanks all for your shares I appreciate them.
