The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
On Dec. 24th my AW became active again. She had been sober for over 8 months. I don't know why the holidays and in particular Christmas seems to bring that miserable beast out of hiding. I feel like the disease is laughing saying, I'm back, I won, I'm in control again. Truth be known, that is the case with my AW.
That is not the case with me this time. I'm not buying a ticket on that train. I'm on another train going in a different direction, thanks to my HP, this program, my two weekly f2f groups, and MIP. I'm in good company on my train.
I know she did not want this to happen. She fought the battle everyday. We had a short talk about it on the 20th, and she told me this was the first Christmas she could remember when she was not drinking. She told me she was so proud, but it was killing her. I gave her a hug and told her I was proud of her also. I hate to admit, but a feeling came over me that the disease might be lurking. I wish I had been wrong.
Can I say I hate this miserable, cunning, baffling, powerful disease. I hate what it takes away. I hate what it does to the mind, body, and spirit. I hate it from one end to the other. If only there were a cure, what a wonderful world this would be-----------If Only !!!
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 29th of December 2009 06:52:36 PM
(((((((((RLC)))))))))), Huge ala-hugs for you. I am so sorry.
I can understand hating what this disease takes from you. I lost my husband to the disease. He is still alive so there is a chance for him, but my train took me on a different track and in the end away from him.
Keep the focus on you...and remember we are all here for you.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
__________________
"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
Can I say I hate this miserable, cunning, baffling, powerful disease. I hate what it takes away. I hate what it does to the mind, body, and spirit. I hate it from one end to the other. If only there were a cure, what a wonderful world this would be-----------If Only !!!
HUGS, RLC
-- Edited by RLC on Tuesday 29th of December 2009 06:52:36 PM
(((Dear RLC)))
I agree !!! I too hate this disease and the terrible destruction it leaves along the way.
Thank God for Alanon and the tools we develop to live life on life's terms!!!
It WOULD be a wonderful world, wouldn't it? But that's not the way it is. RLC, what a disappointment. I'm so sorry this happened. But 8 months is a good start, maybe next time will be 12 or 15 months or even longer. Good for you for ¨not buying a ticket on that train¨. Hang in there!
Many groups have alcathons because they know this is a very stressful time for people. The holidays bring up a lot. My ex A spent every single holiday we were together drunk, stoned and more. He could not imagine life without drinking over the holidays.
I am so so glad you have a program and can take care of yourself.
Not only it lies dormant but manifests intself in many different ways. My AHsober has been sober for over 20 years but he has found many other addictions/fixations to pull him off the job of life. My sons each have issues that are disguised as other addicitons but really are the disease of alcoholism. The disease is respnsible for the failure of my marriage. I would tell my AHsober that I could tell when he was going to addict before he could.
So we work the program to help ourselves. We hope that will have an impact somehow on reversing the effects of alcholism.
RLC: my heart breaks for both of you. Stay on your train! I know you will. May your wife find what she needs to get back to making better choices. I'm so sorry.
__________________
You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Yeah you can say it...You know the truth and the words of what it is like. You're angry and feel let down because it took you both? You're not alone brother. One thing I tell the relapsers is that they don't loose their sober time and that they can depend on it. I tell them not to let self pity keep them out and that we saved their chair for when they walk back in happy to be in the fellowship and the program still...not again. A drunk who goes back out goes back out with their sober time also and so they take hope with them and often times if the disease doesn't kill them first their sober time will make it a more difficult run and propel them around back to the doors of recovery.
And what about the spouses, family, friends and associates of the alcoholic? We learn that our happiness and sadness is not dependent upon another including the alcoholic and that we can feel compassion while we struggle with our own fear and we learn that when the fear is gone love is present. I am glad it wasn't terminal and that she has her 8 months and a husband who accepts her unconditionally which is love.
My mind and heart and spirit use to tantrum loudly when my own wife use to find sober time and then go back out. I was soooo baffled until I came to understand it is at times the nature of the beast until it isn't any longer. "God; grate me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. Turn it over. (((((hugs)))))
-- Edited by Jerry F on Wednesday 30th of December 2009 01:48:21 AM
So sorry to hear about your AW's relapse. I know you'll be OK, though. You have a great program that really shines through.
Just add me to the list of "me, too's" when it comes to what you said:
"Can I say I hate this miserable, cunning, baffling, powerful disease. I hate what it takes away. I hate what it does to the mind, body, and spirit. I hate it from one end to the other. If only there were a cure, what a wonderful world this would be-----------If Only !!!"
Keep leaning on us and your program - this too shall pass.
