The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have noticed that many people are beginning to post real pictures of themselves and their children here, which show up when they post.
To each his own I know, but I am wondering, aren't they afraid that their alcoholic or drug addict may figure out they are on here and easily find their posts? I know that people keep saying that happens all of the time. I have heard that is the purpose for kicking people out of the chatroom when they aren't actively participating, it is due to security purposes, that they may have stepped away and their A might be around and scrolling back and reading what they wrote.
I don't know about all of you, but I believe my life would be in danger if my A ever read about how candid I have been on here, venting a little and looking for support. He is a high functioning A and is obsessed with keeping his addiction a secret. He would go ballistic if he found out his reign of terror and threats has not been totally successful and I have dared to speak out. That is why I use a knickname he could not possibly identify as me, there is no clue to any of my hobbies or interests, nothing that would ever tie me to this nickname in his mind.
Perhaps I am a bit paranoid, death threats can make you that way, but I am wondering, aren't any of you that post their real pictures afraid that your alcoholic or addict will somehow find out you are on here and find your posts and read them and lash out at you over it? We all know they really don't need a reason to lash out, so if they had a reason, it would be really bad.
Remember, this forum is NOT like a face to face meeting, where what is said goes in people's ears and dissapears. Nope, what is written here STAYS HERE for years just waiting to be discovered and read by ANYONE in the world who chooses to, even YOUR alcoholic or addict. I know many people have told me that alcoholics and addicts are usually hostile towards alanon, and they may not be very happy that their family members are here.
I am just working my program and trying to understand where I may be off balance. Am I being paranoid? I could not sleep at night if I ever thought my A could find stuff I have written here, I think he would likely kill me in an insane rage. Does anyone else ever worry about this stuff? Or, is my alcholic abnormally crazy and dangerous?
I posted my pic and use my real name, but my situation is very different. My A does not know how to work a computer all that well, I never use my computer at home, just at my office and also, I live in Costa Rica. I know this can be seen all over the world but here, english is not the first language so I don't worry too much about it. Also, all of our family and friends know he is an addict and always find out about the crazy things he does. I find it refreshing posting under my real name and using my pic, I guess it meakes me feel real and closer to everybody here. I see how it is very different for you and why you are afraid, and it's a very personal choice to use yor real info.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
MP, I can understand where you are coming from and know that you have a loving and caring heart.
I am blessed that I didn't have to worry about viloence. My "A" knew I was attending online meetings and posting on a message board. I never told him where I was online and there are times that I wonder if he has tried, but then so could anyone else who I have told about my online meetings could do the same thing.
Mandy is not the name I go by at work, but it is the name I am called by my family. I choose to go by my name as the other nick I was using was like a mask for ME. When I switched to Mandy then I started becoming the real me here.
I share what I share here with no worries as to him reading it. What I post is the truth and he can feel how he feels about it.
Just my take on this...I am doing what works for me.
Yours in recovery, Mandy
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"We are not punished for our unforgiveness, we are punished by it" Jim Stovall
I could not sleep at night if I ever thought my A could find stuff I have written here, I think he would likely kill me in an insane rage.
Mary, I am concerned for your safety and frankly your post was very upsetting to me. Al-Anon clearly states that no one has to endure unacceptable behavior and there is "A Special Word to Anyone Confronted with Violence" in the opening pages of the Al-Anon CAL book, from Survival to Recovery, in this introduction it clearly states: that those of us who face a potentially life-threatening situation may have to make choices to ensure our safety. It even goes so far as to suggest that members might need to find a safe house, call for police protection, or keep an extra set of car keys and money handy where they can be collected for a quick escape.
I have been in this type of situation myself, my sponsor provided me with a safe house to stay at that my husband did not no the whereabouts of. I had to call the police for protection. I have kept an extra set of car keys, clothes, money and legal documents handy, in the event I needed to leave quickly. THIS IS NO WAY TO LIVE. Been there done that, have the battle scars to prove it.
I post my picture today because I do not live in fear. All my friends know that I attend Al-Anon and my ex-husband who currently has an ex-parte filed on him, does too. I refuse to let anyone or anything control my life anymore. As someone eloquently put it, " the other nick I was using was like a mask for ME. When I switched to Mandy then I started becoming the real me here".
I have went under several other nicks with avatars that don't show the "real" me. My alcoholic always figured out who I was and read my posts anyway. As Mandy's post revealed, " What I post is the truth and he can feel how he feels about it. " For me myself and I, I just don't worry about it anymore. To hide under the mask of anonymity at this point in my life, for me, would be living in the world of denial.
Overcome
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I can Overcome all things through my HP who strengthens me.
Thanks to everyone for your eloquent replies. Now I do have a better understanding of the fact that all of us here have different situations and circumstances and our alcoholics are different as well.
I thank everyone for your replies to help me understand how different life can be without an irrational acting out alcoholic in your life. It sounds nice, I hope I can be there with you soon!
