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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> So Upset
Post Info TOPIC: So Upset
Samsgram


Senior Member

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So Upset
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Its me the new gal who posted just the other day about my daughter who is abusive to me and who is off with her 6 year old daughter for 4 days in the mountians with others. I was worried about the drinking etc and how she cared for my gd, etc. Tonight I got a call and my gd was crying in the background. My daughter said she was overtired. I said what happened, and she said , she thinks I tried to break her arm. I asked to talk with my gd. My daughter said shes been wanting to call you and I said no because she only wants to talk to you when something bad happpens. I said Pleezzeee let me talk to her. They were both on the phone, my grandaughter could hardly talk. I had to say mama probably didnt mean it honey to my gd but I know my daughter. She is mean and tough. She has no patience at all with this little girl . I remember how she would be so hard on her in the past. This is why I want her with me as much as possible. At one time she hurt my gd and I told my gd to tell her counselor and she did. The counselor never did anything but contact my daughters counselor. They should have called social services right then. I cant call ss it has to come from someone else. My daughter conned them a long time ago telling them my mother is a trouble maker and they took her side. I`am so sick inside right now. Please pray for my grandaughter. Why why does this have to happen, she is so innocent.

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Rosanne Averill
cindyb21


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my prayers are with you

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Jerry F


~*Service Worker*~

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Gram...It does not have to happen...It does happen anyway and it happens to you
also.  Getting around the face to face meetings will be soooo helpful as you can get
there.  I was even more powerless over the effect of alcoholism on the other side
of the phone then when I had no phone at all.   I keep all victims on the disease
both drinker and not in front of my HP.  You're there also.   (((((hugs))))) smile

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Jen


~*Service Worker*~

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I am so sorry. Please don't give up on your gd. If she is in danger it is necessary for someone to step in. Keep working your program and take care of yourself. If your mind is clear, you will find the direction from your HP when the time is right.

I know that when I was really bogged down in the disease, my credability was nonexistant. I looked crazy and spiteful as could be to people on the outside. The A was very good at letting people have just the right information so that they would draw the wrong conclusions about me and think that he was the sweetest thing. I had no defense against this until Al-Anon. That's when things started to change. I became rational, he got worse, and my credability returned.

Please just keep working it. Find meetings, get a sponsor, talk to others in the program and don't give up.

In recovery,

__________________

~Jen~

"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Mattie


~*Service Worker*~

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I feel for you.  I wonder why the call from social services has to come from someone else?  In my state it can and often does come from another family member.  You can call anonymously too.  I hope you can make a difference in that poor little girl's life.  Hang in there and keep coming back.

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Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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I remember when my dil took her kids  camping to this big party. Of course there was drinking and drugs.

Not lowlife stuff but still it is wrong to me. My son hated it, he did not want his step kids to see any of it. He does not call them that. He says he would take a bullet for them.

It is horribly hard. you know Rosanne, I don't know if you can but there are karate classes for kids. Not so much to protect themselves but it empowers them. Gives them a sense of security in their own self.

She may feel safer, you may feel more at ease. I don't know if you have a cell phone but the family plans are not too bad. Or even a trac phone to give her.

This is what we learn here. How to empower our self. We learn to build ourselves up since we cannot change our
a or the disease. It makes a major difference. Maybe talk to your g daughter when things are nice for you and her at  your house. I would just start talking about nothing to my students, then all of a sudden the stuff poured out of them.

I would ask things like what do you need to feel safe? When do you feel safe? What bugs you the most? Are you afraid for your mom when she uses drugs? how does it make you feel?

I know for me once I get stuff out it helps so much. Plus I need to ge it out.

That is what made us encourage you to build yourself up. When we feel better, we deal with things better. And we get the courage to do the things we learn from Al Anon.

If you feel you have helped your g daughter to feel more secure, and know what to do, the situation won't make you feel so sick.

Glad you are here and you keep coming back. love,debilyn

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
maresie


~*Service Worker*~

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I lived with an ex A for 9 years.  He had everyone convinced I was the problem.  Some alcoholics are phenomenal manipulators.

I also know I used to totally live on eggshells whenver the ex A was away somewhere.  My worst fears were always confirmed, car crashes, things stolen, arguments and more.

The ex A proved that I had a reason to be fearful.

I had to really work on ways to detach. Detaching can be very very difficult when we first get here.

I also know the wheels of social services run very very slowly.  Nevertheless your daughter is being monitored on some level.  Her counselors are mandated to deal with abuse issues.

One way you can report the abuse is to call a crisis line. They are mandated to report abuse if they hear a complaint.  I don't believe they have to necessarily disclose who told them.  They are however mandated by law to report.

 

Maresie.

 



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maresie
Samsgram


Senior Member

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Posts: 121
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You see she will know its coming from me. Nobody else knows about the incident. Do I risk her taking the child away from seeing me anymore by reporting something
that can`t be proven? I know how this agency works over here and they are horrible. They are all for the child remaining with the parents. When I had custody before I got them involved and they were not on my side at all, my daughter is a master manipulator. The judge however had her do a urine test at the time. SS said, its okay to use and still be a good mother, your just a trouble maker (me). This is on the records. This is why I can`t report anything. That agency should be revamped.
Oh, I also wanted to mention that my gd knows nothing of my daughters use of drugs or alcohol. I have been to lawyers, counselors and tried everything I could to find how to best serve that little girl and I`am told that I  can not do anything until d does something really bad. The system stinks. My health has worsened since I last had custody so maybe its for the best... I worry because my gd sometimes acts mean like her mother. What more can I do? I know F2F meetings but I can`t believe me I would.... Nobody can judge what someone can or cant do until they walk in their shoes.



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Rosanne Averill
Debilyn


~*Service Worker*~

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From my experience from working with kids of all ages and my kids friends, kids know everything that is going on.

deb

__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Samsgram


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 121
Date:
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Debilyn,

I highly suspect that gd knows but my d thinks shes in the dark. My d also keeps trying to
make this child loose respect for all adults in her life by making comments lately
like, "shes gonna know about your drug use".. I don`t know if shes refering to I take medication for my disability and trying to mess with the childs mind or many moons ago I used for awhile when she was a kid and she will never let me forget it.
Either way, she is a loose cannon and she is hurting her child by saying things like this.

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Rosanne Averill
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