Made it through the holiday and out the other side, almost without any family drama, but that wasn't meant to be.  The drama that occured will take some time to heal from as there were many hurt feelings, mostly my son's-which in turn meant mine-there is nothing harder that watching your child hurt and not being able to do a single thing to stop it.

However today is here and I am up and moving around and grateful to be able to make a good meal and get to a meeting and spend some time with my son.  I've made it through my first cancer scare and have one more to face in Feb but know that the outcome there is His will and whatever it is, it will be for my best.  The withdrawl from all the narcotics has started and it is brutal but necessary and I will get through it-but realize that it is best for me to isolate during this time as I am overly irritable and am clearly speaking my mind to anyone who plucks me.  The door mat has come flying up off the floor!LOL

I've learned sooooooo very much in the past weeks, and am truly grateful to this program for that.  I've learned a lot about the kind of person I am, and the kind of person I want to be, and most importantly the kind of person I hope I never become. I've learned exactly who my true friends really are, and that I can love my family even if I don't respect them and don't like their choices very much.  I've learned that my mom is truly my best friend and my son is the best kid I know with the biggest heart of any 12 yr old.  I've learned we get out of this program what we put into it and that the best healing can come from offering ESH to others.  I've learned a lot about detachment and hope that I never detach from anyone with condescending coldness or loose my compassion in doing so.   I don't  ever want to be so full of myself  and my recovery,that I think I am up here and everyone else is down below me.  I know I will never be well....we don't get all better and not need this program anymore........for me it will be for life.

I don't hide my recovery from anyone because it is my core and my strength, though I don't tell my story early on with everyone I meet to explain why I go to AlAnon.  I do however share when I am asked "Where do you go every Friday night??"-lol. I then tell whomever "I go to AlAnon.........and it is a huge part of my life, and God is the center."  I'm not embarassed that I'm sick anymore.  I'm not sad about my past, but grateful for everything it took to get me here today.  I still have resentments towards EXABF for his part in things, though they are not as strong, but I know he is sick too and I hate his disease.

For me 2009 has been a crazy year.......full of love, loss,compassion,blessings and recovery.  I am heading into 2010 with only one resolution.......to work my program to the best of my ability and give it and my HP all I've got......

Shelly