The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I posted here yesterday as a newbie and I find its really holding me together today. My daughter & grandaughter is off for 4 days w/ boyfriend and his kids and others in the mountains. I know there will be drinking going on and I find myself worried about my grandaughter and how her mother and if her mother is caring for her. I guess I have to have faith in a hp. I have been having a hard time with that lately. I don`t know if I mentioned it when I placed my first post yesterday. But I was talking about my daughter and how she is abusive to me. She can and has been abusive to the child as well. I don`t know if I mentioned how when my daughter began to lay into me the other day I was so upset that I called my mother for support and my mother ended up talking to my daughter and my daughter ends up conning my mother having my mother believe its my fault. Somehow my mother keeps taking her side and believing her lies. I do not have anyone for support and I have been feeling so badly, physically and emotionally. My mother is a very sick person I see . Her level of denial is so thick I`am not sure its even reality. I could really use some support here. I can`t get out of the house much for any outside meetings and right now I`am having a hardtime getting the online meeting to open up correctly. Thanks so much for being here.
Hello Gram and welcome , believe it or not if u can get to a meeting at least one a week some of your illness will disipate , most are probably caused by abuse and worry , u need support from real people who can pick up a phone on a bad day or meet u for a coffee to answer the questions u need answered . Please make an effort to find at least one do it for you and your grand daughter she is going to need you . there is nothing u can do about your daughter or her drinking , but alot u can do to help yourself in our program u will learn how to set boundaries for your relationship , u will learn to get the respect you deserve . alcoholics don't always like the changes we make but they learn to deal with it . as for talking to your mother about this , she simply dosent understand and is only trying to help , Al-Anon people listen and share th ier own experiences with you , and they understand what your going thru. One person repeating what u ahve said in a meeting or private conversation does not happen in our program , anonymity is the basis of Al-Anon . your mom doesnt understand the importance of a private conversation if she did she would not have called your daughter and repeated what was said to her . The best solution is to not tell her what is going on find a person in our program u trust and share what is on your mind .
(((((((((((Gram))))))))))) I know how it feels to try to share your pain with your own mother and have them turned against you. My AH did that to me. My mother was so in denial and clueless about what he was doing. She treated me like I was the one who was at fault all the time. Of course without a recoveryprogram of my own to cope with all the stress of living with an A, I surely did act pretty crazy and controling. But it still hurt, until I got into this program and realised that my mom is a sick codependent, too. Now she knows a lot about what was going on, but she still does not really understand my position, though she tries more. But since I am not acting like a crazy person, I guess I have a bit more credibility in her eyes.
The point here, though, is that denial is a huge part of this disease, not only the A's part of the disease, but ours as well. When we get into Al-Anon we learn to be honest with ourselves and those around us. That lifts the curtain of denial we have been living with for so long. Those outside this program do not have that. They really do not understand. I have found it much better to talk to people in the program, esp my sponsor. When I talk to anyone outside the program, I try to remember that they are not even newbies, and I do not give much detail or expect anything in the way of support. They just can't give it.
My mother now knows many of the details of what was going on when my AH was actively using, but she still does not have this recovery program, so she still does not understand how I got better, or how my AH got better. I have an A brother who is very active in this disease and she still does not like to hear about, talk about, etc. She does not see that talking about it is how I cope with my fear for him. Talking is how I get it out. But the other day she got upset and accused me of throwing in her face, like it has anything to do with her anyway. But that is how she thinks.
So anyway, sorry this is pretty long, but I hope there is something here that helps you. Keep coming back. This program can't save everyone, but it saved me and my family.
In recovery,
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
