The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I was in an open AA meeting this morning - it's a step 10, 11, and 12 meeting, and it's my favorite one all week. :)
This morning we were talking about Step 10. "Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it."
This has been on my mind a lot the last few days, and I think the meeting this morning was yet another example of how God gives me what I need when I need it, if I'm paying attention and seeking His will.
Someone commented this morning about how sometimes, it is hard for him to even recognize when he's wrong. He pointed out that it's easy to recognize when he yells at someone or uses sarcasm that hurts someone else's feelings, or something else overt. He said that for him, it's harder to recognize when he's wrong for playing the victim/martyr. I had a complete and total AHA moment right then. That's true for me, too. I recognize some of my behaviors as wrong immediately...the overt ones, like snooping through my husband's fourth step inventory. I think those are easier for me to recognize because they are physical actions that I am doing. It's very hard for me to admit to myself that I'm wrong for taking on a victim/martyr mentality, though. I can do that sooo easily, too - and have done it a lot here lately. I can ruin a perfectly good day with the stuff going on in my head, most of which I'm probably just inventing, that centers around how someone else has slighted me, how I'm obviously so much better than that person because of ____, how that person clearly doesn't appreciate me or care, etc. At this point in my recovery (I've been going to meetings for about a year and a half now), it's still very hard for me to recognize the unhealthy thought patterns and then change them in the moment. I'm still working - progress, not perfection. But I think the perspective I gained in the meeting this morning will probably be very helpful in recognizing my faulty thought processes and getting them stopped sooner.
Just was on my mind and wanted to share. I'd appreciate anyone else's ESH on this topic - as I said, it's been largely on my mind.
I'm guilty of some of the same things you mentioned, so your post was an AHA moment for me. It is hard to think I'm wrong when I take on the victim/martyr mentality.
Thanks for sharing and opening my eyes to something I needed to see.
