The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So I am learning how to feel again after creating the habit of denying them for a REALLY long time. My sponsor and therapist say that I am grieving many things right now. Biggest one being the "dream" of the way I thought things were and should (haha) be. Acceptance that hurt hurt's kind of stuff and learning to speak up for myself (hard but worth it - even with the insane reaction). It's difficult for me to honor feelings as they come up and let go with the part of me that says to "suck it up and get over it and not be vulnerable or weak, after all there's to much to do and it's Christmas time. After all I'm not a victim right? and I am not supposed to feel sorry for myself". I liked fantasy land and denial it was less painful and scary, but it obviously doesn't work and made me feel insane. I would like to hear some ESH on how this gets better - any tools and real experience please? My world feels shattere and frankly This hurts.
It is scary bc this is new stuff, new stuff is always a lil scary. When I reminded myself of that, it got better. Thing about living in fansty land and denial, is u cant change what u dont acknowledge. When u break things down, u can then build them up again.
I learned how to love mysel first and make me my own priority. No one else was doing it. Once I began to love me, everything else in my life changed. I set boundareis and followed through on them. I stopped compromising myself, which gave me the expereince of emotional detachment/autonomy and I got sefl respect.
I get grieving the life u didnt have, I surely had to go throught that too. I also had to stop comparing myself to other people. My life is my own unique entity, I am in the right place for me right now.
I personally really enjoy being vulnerable, that is when I am most honest. As a teen that read a lot of zen, I learned that when u are vulnerable and exposing yourself, you are in the greates position of power b/c u cannot be defeated by someone else, ur giving it all freely and openly.
Focus on YOU and determine your true needs versus wants. That is how I started.
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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Hello Ash , some days reality does really suck , but I have found there are no suprises when I am accepting things exactly the way they are . I don't have to like what others are doing but I do have to accept that I can't change that and when i accept I am much calmer . I have been in this program along time now and the hardest part still is allowing others to be who they need to be. I work on it all the time . it gets alot easier once I accpt that the only thing I have control over is my attitude about what is going on around me . Today I have choices . and the good news for me is I only have to work this one day ata time , try and get the most out of today Ash it truly is all we have and its a shame to waste it on a fantacy . Louise
