The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I really feel fed up today and i shall explain why..........
I have been married for nearly three years, and my husband has always liked a drink.
We have been together for eight years and it he has always been this way.
He can binge drink quite easily, gets very aggressive and argumentitive, but has never hit me.
I feel like i have to tread on eggshells all the time and pussy foot around him when he has had a heavy session.
Anyway, recently i said enough is enough, after a very horrible incident which involved him getting in his car after 7 pints and driving on the motorway, he came home eventually and fortunately for all other on the motorway there were no accidents.
After that, it was the straw that broke the camels back and i was seriously thinking about leaving and getting my own place. He saw how unhappy i was and said he would stop drinking so much, said he would quit drinking Stella Artois and really try and cut down. (Stella sends him mental)
I said well great, but i don't think i will be able to trust you again, you have really hurt me and damaged the way i feel about you........ I said to him that i will just be waiting till the next time, all the time.
Anyway to cut a very long story short, I felt like he had really seen where i was coming from and it seemed he was really making an effort to stop his drinking.
Last night he worked all night, and got home at 8am, instead of coming to bed, (Sunday morning) he started drinking. (He normally comes in from a night shift and drinks 1 or 2 cans, and then comes to bed) He drank all day, and is now collasped on the sofa, asleep.
When i said, 'Haven't you had enough already?' He said 'i have been waiting for you to say that that all day' and I said, 'well its a bit excessive,' he replied, ' Well it's just a one off.'
Well to be quite frank, I dont even want 1 one off, and if i have to live in fear of him having a 'one off' I will be out of hear.
We are supposed to be moving to a bigger house and starting a family and he is having binges still.
I have been feeling so fed up lately and miserable and i think this is why.........
All i would like to do is move out and do my own thing.
Wish I could give you some advice... Things will not change for him unless he gets help for his drinking. He will not get help until he is ready. So you have no control over any of that.
You can contol your actions and reactions. Only you will know how to proceed. Continue reading the posts here, get to f2f meetings. I don't want to sway you in any way but my hubby was a "problem" drinker for years---never violent, abusive or angry in any way, but really liked to drink and it was an issue alot of the time. I did start a family with him and now I have a 3 and 1 year old and I am presently a single mother as he has chosen to leave us 2 weeks ago and is drinking 24/7---I never saw that kind of behavior coming. He went to rehab 3 months ago and has gotten worse ever since. If I could go back I would have left him before the children--but I wouldn't have the children I have if I had left him....so hopefully all things happen for a reason, as I love my children more than anything in this world. I think he's lost to us now.
We can't tell you what to do, but if you read back in the posts here, and read more in alanon literature, you may find that the answer is there. The more you know about alcoholism, the more informed will be the choices that you make. He will not get better, this will not just go away, if he really is an alcoholic. It will only get worse. Like Mt2, if I had known then what I know now (after twenty years) I would have left before I had my children. However, then I would not have these children, which are the joys of my life. Also, I would probably just gotten involved with another A, as in many ways I went into this marriage as sick as he was, though in a different way. After all, I didn't HAVE to walk on eggshells all those years, I didn't HAVE to make him into a little tin god, who ruled my life. I knew before we got married that he made me unhappy as often as he made me happy, and I married him anyway. For some reason, which I am still not really to the bottom of, I needed to give more than I got, in order to feel lovable. If you have something like this going on with you, it is more important for you to figure it out than it is for you to marry anybody, at this stage in your life. Don't know if any of this is helpful to you, just take what you need and leave the rest.
