Cut down on drinking. - Al-Anon Family Group

dori711 · Veteran Member

Cut down on drinking.

Christy · ~*Service Worker*~

Lately he keeps telling me there's something wrong with me.

dori,
He's mirroring how feels and directing it at you. It's all denial. It HAS to be you because it certainly can't possibly be him, right? NOT!
It's not uncommon for them to belittle people. It somehow makes their disease seem not so bad. If it were me, next time he'd be looking for his own papers!

Christy

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Dori and it might be what Christy mentioned also. Restless, irritable and
discontent is one of the discriptions used for the character of the alcoholic in
the throes of their compulsion.   If you have the Courage to Change daily
reader (Al-Anon), the page for 12/16 will be supportive...hell the whole book
will be supportive.   You have the choice as to what to do with the blame. We
learn in progress not to take it.   Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

Overcome · Senior Member

I agree with Christy and it's called "spin guilt". What they feel about themselves they spin off and rest it on you. It's not you, it's him. Just remember we didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it.

Go with Jerry's reading of Courage to Change 12/16, it's a good one and don't forget to call those al-anon friends! Their always there for us!

Hang in there.

Overcome

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

I remember MANY years ago the A told me I was crazy. Was so ignorant I thought maybe I was.

I called my counselor and he reassured me I was not.

Then I come here and see exactly the same thing, almost everyone saying their A says they are crazy.

Then I read A's paper work from rehab. his permission btw. He had written how the woman he lived with was mentally ill. lol

I always said back later, well then what makes YOU stay with ME?

YOU are fine, he has a horrible disease.

Are you going to meetings? I tell ya there is a world of knowledge there. YOu keep coming her and we will make sure you know you are bright, loving, and brave to learn all ya can from al anon. love,debilyn who admits she is a bit crazy/unique at times...

Gailey · ~*Service Worker*~

My A son tells me that I have a problem all the time. It is what they do.

I say I know I do but I am at least working on mine. HA!

dori711 · Veteran Member

Thanks for reminding me. I appreciate the replies. He never told me there was something wrong with me before and we've been together for many years. In the last few months he threw that in my face more than once, always at a time when he didn't want to hear of the problem or seemingly couldn't cope with it. Do you think he uses that because he knows it upsets me and gets me out of the room ha ha.

joshuab · Newbie

It is nice that at least you have been trying...

-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 17th of December 2009 05:15:18 PM

MrsGratitude · Veteran Member

Dori711 -

Yes, it's what As do to take the heat and attention off of them. Our CTC June 3 (I believe) mentions how they will do anything to distract us from their drinking problem.

I have been through this. Detachment (clinical distance) is very helpful here. I have been known to say the "you may be right" and exit the room.

I would also allow him to find/sort/write his own papers in future. That way he would have very little or nil to complain about.

In recovery,

Mrs. G

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