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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> self love & intimacy issues
Post Info TOPIC: self love & intimacy issues
kitty


~*Service Worker*~

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self love & intimacy issues
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I have come to the conclusion that all of us, alanons, codas, acoas and even A's - the root of our problem is one of self intimacy & loving the self.  The A's use to be numb and avoid themselves, we focus on othrs to avoid ourselves.

Once I began to work to love me as my own first priority... like a best friend I really really wanted to get to know, everything in my life changed.  The feelings of inadequecy and abadnonemnt left bc I was no loner abadonning myself.  Dont get me wrong, b4 I loved me, I was terrified to try it but after I got started, to genuinely love me with kindness, love & respect, it all changed.

At first I was afraid I'd become selfish like the A's are but that didnt happen.  I grew in my compassion and understanding for them.  It isnt an ego thing, its the higher, spiritual love I'm talking about.

I didnt think I was worth loving bc my feeling sreinforced the victim in me for so long.  I changed that slowly.  As I took care to take time and take it easy on me & stop beating msyelf up & expecting me to perfect, releasing all of my expectations and allowing myself to try and make mistakes, so I could grow & learn.  I changed radically and everything in my life got better and easier even.  The more I surrender things to HP/god and let go of my expectations for the outcomes and simply accept what life offers me, it continues to get better & improve.

I'm so grateful for this program and to my hard work.  Setting boundaries showed me that I dont have to compromise myself anymore and with it came self esteem and emotional detachment from my family.  Today, I do have emotional autonomy and it feels like a miracle.

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Light, Love, Peace, Blessings & Healing to Us All. God's Will Be Done. Amen.
Hawk120025


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Good Post, Kitty Kat.  How the heck are you?

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Debilyn


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My esh is totally different. I had been with out a mate for eighteen years. Raised my kids, went back to college. Bought my first home and bought a brand new pickup.

Became self-actualized and honestly loved the me that hp gave me.

The A came into my life after years of recovery and very involved in AA. Was pretty normal until after the brain surgery.  

I see my part in it as I as ignorance. I did not know much at all about addiction, I knew the clinical part but not the behavioral or loving one that was using.

I kept telling him it was his problem not mine. Did not put up with any of it. What I was, was horrified that the person I knew all my life was not in his body anymore.

Anyway not everyone who is in al anon or in anything else has to have low self esteem.

Sure does not fit for me at all.

Still it is a GREAT topic kitty! Made me think! Glad you have been here so long lady.

love and hugs,debilyn

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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
Jerry F


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Aloha Kitty...I was once asked by a counselor what I supposed it was like to be
loved by me...I cried.  I didn't know for one but I know that I treated others a
ton better than myself.  Good thread.  (((((hugs))))) smile

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tea2


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Kitty your share reminds me of page 109 in Courage To Change
- one of my favorites! smile


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serenity is a gift
maresie


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I'm so happy for you.  I have a very small idea how much that work was.  What an inspiration you are for the rest of us.

I look forward to hearing other updates.

Maresie.

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maresie
mac57


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Not too long ago I was on a jet. The flight attendant was going through the routine mandatory directives, but for some reason this time, this part really stood out:

If you are traveling with small children or someone who may need help with their oxygen masks, be sure to put yours on FIRST, and then help the others. wow.

Keep your oxygen, and your light, and your love flowing freely to yourself, kitty! And thank you for all the help you've given to others along your way.

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> self love & intimacy issues