The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Thanks for the responses to "Reaching"...the problem is denial which has its roots firmly planted in my subconscious. I am being reminded of how I got here, what happened and what hasn't been done and why. I understand and need to understand more because of the current situation.
So I am still reaching...and practicing what I've learned also. ((((hugs))))
The recent topics spurred me to ask my husband if he still had urges, consciously or subconsciously.. He said "yes". I asked how he controls the urges.
He said... I ask myself, "Do I really want to go back to hell?" So far the answer has been "no". Then he said "I just have to keep feeding the good wolf".
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Jerry.... two things, both from experience and respect....
1. Good for you in posting here, & reaching out to your family.... As you well know, you are incredibly well thought of on this board, and it is a blessing to us to be able to help you once in awhile, rather than always the other way around.....
2. Consider that if you truly slipped, you'd have to deal with the "wrath of Tom", and I would come over there and kick your butt..... So there!!! Now if THAT doesn't scare you straight, lol.... ::))
Your buddy in Al-Anon
Tom
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
If ya'll have any extra room would it be too much out of the way to pick me and a friend of mine up in Alabama. His name is "Bubba", he's a big ole boy !!!
Thanks Christy for that serious side of the feedback and LOL the rest of you family members might want to know that when I tried that response with my own lovely alcoholic wife....she just drank more. How ever you can come by anytime and we will have a lovely get together. ((((hugs))))
LOL Jerry . . . Such a dichotomy here . . . "Hell hath no fury" (have you ever heard Christy aka Cujo when she's ticked ) versus a loving family of enablers you've got here.
I have this wonderful book that is at times my constant companion. One suggestion is to "seek wise guidance." It notes that wisdom has three components: love, firmness and knowledge and recommends that I look for these traits in those from whom I seek and accept guidance. Then it follows with pretty poems:
Excuse me.
I am currently afflicted with the world's number one crippler: infatuation fixation paralysis,
commonly referrred to as love.
Any spare comfort you have to give would be most appreciated, althought my ability to receive may be temporarily impaired.
Thank you.
The other one (that may or may not apply) suggests "surround yourself with things that are alive" recommending not to isolate yourself and invite living things into your life -- a new plant, stray kitten (lol), etc. with the poem
I'd have a nervous breakdown, only I've been through this too many times to be nervous.
Source: How to survive the loss of a love
Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
Well I still want to get on the bus its 30 here if for no other reason.....just kidding...Jerry you are wonderful....I so look forward to your responses to my posts you are a wonderful person and very well respected here....
Please try and hold it together and if nothing else know you are loved. I know first hand how hard it can be however, it is doable.
Solutions are arriving...The inventories I have made in the past were searching and fearless and moral. Like I learned "more will be revealed" and this is that. Some of what was revealed in the past was glossed over or not treated from the right angle/approach. I didn't handle some of the information I got back then and now it is being revealed. I am grateful for all that I have got in between because it was all for naught and the current problem could be worse had I not been led, guided and loved with this program in between.
I need to go over my experiences of how I got here and why for whom and to reread that part of my story because it contains information of what I was and it was like before I got here. My attention was very seriously disrupted and my focus riveted on the alcoholic in my life who I was under the impression was the only alcoholic in my life. I didn't pay attention to lots of stuff (just like school) and completely overlooked more while including the term "not me" alot also.
I am going into some remedial recovery especially on the subject of denial. When I am not or don't look at something that can and is affecting the quality and quanty of my life that's a form of denial. When I avoid those "three fingers" of responsibility point back at me only in favor of aiming the other one out at someone else, that's a form of denial. When I don't take appropirate action on something I need to take care of inside of me, that's denial. As I have learned from the program and from college and other fine sources; you don't turn your back on the tiger...not this one anyway. This is another example of how cunning powerful and baffling the disease of alcoholism. For me using school (when the disease was raging) I cannot "just get thru with a passing grade". The alcoholic spouse is gone...the disease remains.
Believe me that your ESH and L saves mind, body, spirit and emotions and for that I am truely grateful (((((hugs)))))
I truly admire how you share your process it rally helps to see this program in action.
I am dealing with a great deal of Denail right now as far as smoking is concerned. After over 30 years of smoking and up to 3 packs a day, I stopped completely 6 months ago. Hp had to lift the obsession as I really did not struggle and with the obsession as I have all the other times in the past.
Lately, the smell of cigarettes is really calling to me. If I pass someone on the streeet smoking I begin to think how great smoking was and how I miss it. I do know if I picked up one I would be right beack to 3 packs a day so for today I have not picked up
Holiday parties and gatherings I know I will need to be extra careful to be present in the moment and think the cigarette thru and not pick up.
The Tiger never does sleep but thanks to this program I am much more aware of what is going on in my head than ever before This way I can not self sabotage
) versus a loving family of enablers you've got here.