The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well I went to a meeting last night. cried my way there and home. On the way home though, I had a break through for me. I looked at my thinking with the ex and how I threw him out. The truth was shown to me. My heartbreak? It comes from the backfire of my manipulations. I see now that when I threw him out, I thought that with his undieing love of me he would get a job and change himself into the person I wanted him to be. The backfire? He found someone new and is in a relationship with her.
I have no doubt at this point that I have a weekly date with alanon. It is so easy to point the finger at someone else and call them sick. Last night I saw when I finger point that there are 4 fingers pointing right back at me.
Sure alot of pain I brought down on myself. I know this all will pass and I know that my hp has some better things in store for me. I just need to let hp do his thing. Sometimes for me this is easier said than done.
I can so relate to your share when I pick up the mirror I tend to not like what I see so put it down and pick back up the magnifying glass focus on others. My ABF had a slip last montha and is back on track today. He has the sense to put his needs first, he is rtying very hard to look in the mirror and is starting to accept how ill he is and the fight he has on his hands. What am I doing wollowing in self pity that he carnt meet my needs, living in fear about will he ever beable to meet mt needs be a true partner. However al anon is helping me to stay in the day. I do not like some of my behaviors but as I get clarity my recovery progresses, from today I am going to ask Hp to help me change the things i can. I too want to stop pointing the finger and look at the things I do have control to change.
Great insightful posting I too love those moments when alanon realy makes sense.
The slogan "Examine your motives " is a slogan that really opened my thoughts and I was able to see what I did that hurt me. It certainly taught me who I was and why I did what I did and said what I said.
