The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Its been a tumultuous week at the homestead- to say the least. My AH lost his job of 18 years on Thursday-- the direct result of drinking and drugging and not going to work. They kept him on because he was a good producer but once his business dried up (and he didn't) they were done with him.
I had a minor hand in it coming down. (which I have intermittent guilt about) His boss called me Wednesday on my cell looking for him. He was worried about AH and I was the emergency contact #. I knew that they knew he had issues with A- and when the boss asked what was going on I fessed up. I knew that I was sealing his fate (along with mine and my kids) but I couldn't lie for him either. I don't do that for him. I quit covering up from it years ago-- thanks to Alanon.
I drove him into his workplace (per his request) on Thursday and sat in on the firing. It was like a kick in the gut. It was something I/we worried about and expected but still felt the surprise--kind of like when a 99 y/o relative dies and you are still surprised, you know?
So here we are, trying to figure out what the next right thing is. AH is sober as judge right now, attending AA and very humble. Maybe it was a new bottom. I hope so- but its up to him.
I had called divorce lawyers earlier in the week b4 this happened and had been making inquiries. I feel better educated now but want to deal with the current crisis (bills, health insurance, holidays) and then figure out if we stay in the marriage. Poor kids (17 & 13). They are the real victims here.
I am going to f2f and therapy and talking to all the wonderful people I have in my life for support. One of the best things about the work I have done in program is that I have that support and have shared my experience so it doesn't come as a surprise to many people.
I feel somewhat sorry for myself because I don't know what i did to deserve this. That isn't a helpful set of thoughts. It is like wondering why I would have a kid with cancer (god forbid) or be a victim of crime. S**t happens-- and usually it doesn't happen to me-- but sometimes it does. I think I better get used to it.
Jeanne
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In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.- Daniel L. Reardon
gknee, Sounds like you were getting yourself mentally prepared for this. I know it doesnt take away the pain of the event, but thankfully you have friends and support and are not isolated dealing alone. Praying for you and peace for you and your kids...Whether this is his bottom or not, remember you are loved, take care of you
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
(((((gknee))))) What did you do to get this...same as me not intending to at first or with the idea and hope that somehow being in the mix it would change everyrthing and I could make the difference...You, like me and soooo many others married an alcoholic. There are soooo many alcoholics out there in different sizes and shapes and the disease is progressing so educate the kids.
I feel sorry with you sis...and the compulsion for self pity even for just a little while seems justified...maybe a professional grade Tantrum would work...one that would cause the community to shrink off into their corners and set off the earthquake warning system. I was taught to go to HP first before anything else and then I learned "Not Now...Now I want to find a safe place where I can't hurt myself any further or anyone else and just pop the cap on some very large fireworks...then I'll go to God.
I feel so sorry with you and your kids and your alcoholic too. There otta be a law that says you don't deal alcohol or drugs to someone who is known to have troubles with alcohol and drugs but then...at least in my home place they are not taking the proposal seriously. I am in support ((((((gknee)))))) gotta go find a tissue. (((((hugs)))))
