The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've been in a funk all day. I'm sure it has to do with lots of things but these are the things directly bothering me and I need to vent.
Last night I woke up as my AFiance was digging in my purse for a lighter (so he says) to have a cigarette. Yes, I sleep with my purse by the bed now. If it makes me feel better, why not?
He was snoring sooooo loud.
I've been having a problem with a tooth since I had it filled at the dentist's office about a month ago. The secretary called me back today and said that the dentist could put a temporary filling it it with medicine and if that didn't take away the pain when eating hot foods or chewing then they would refer me to the root canal specialist. The tooth didn't hurt before they filled my cavity. It just makes me mad and not trust my dentist. My mom offered to pay for the root canal if I can't afford it and need it. This hurts my heart so badly.
I found a bottle in the common area trash can on my way out the door. Okay, I admit it, I went out of my way to check the trash can in the common area bathroom. There's no way of telling when it's from (he just got out of the hospital after checking himself in) and now I wish I hadn't done that.
I wish I knew what I am doing. I haven't even decided if I'm going to stay with AFiance. Even if he stops drinking forever, I don't know if I can forgive.
Anyhow, all of this stuff is weighing on my mind and I've started to read "Getting them Sober", thanks to a very generous member. It's been very helpful but apparently changes take time. And, my random thought for today...if alcoholism is a disease, why can't doctors find a medicinal cure? Why aren't we doing walks and fundraisers to raise money for research to cure it? There is probably some really simple answer for that but my mind is foggy today.
There IS a cure for alcoholism, but it can't likely be just medicinal.... Medicine can help stop the drinking, but AA/Recovery is the way to truly get "sober". Dry drunks are almost as difficult to deal with than active drunks (some would say worse, as at least active drunks passout and forget once in awhile, lol)
Hope you choose Al-Anon/Recovery for yourself..... it's awesome
Take care Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
I want recovery and peace more than anything. I'm having one of those days where I just want to lock myself in the bathroom and cry. Nothing really significant happened to make me feel this way, I just feel stuck in a funk. Thank you for the book, by the way. The chapter about not arguing with the alcoholic describes me to a "t".
Girl you're on your way and still have a bit of fight left in you. I did that and also wanted an "easier, softer way". While I waited for that "easier, softer way" I continued with what was handed to me by my HP...the program and found out that just like my alcoholic if I was always just handed the solution; a pill or such, I would always keep doing what it was that I was doing and getting what I was getting.
Fight until you get too tired and then...surrender. The miracle happens after the surrender and then you get to go after your recovery with the same tenacity you had going after the alcoholic.
God!! keep the pills and smokes and sex and sugar and gambling and more away from my alcoholic and me too.
Keep coming back Rags...you've earned your seat in the program. (((((hugs)))))
I too am with my partner and don't know if I can continue to live this type of life. I have committed to him, fully and entirely for who he is and I love him but I too have a hard time not snooping around to see what he has been up to (with my guy its finding texts, or emails or phone calls because he was unfaithful to me for a few weeks on his last binge). Since I have been in alanon I do try to respect his alcoholism as if it were a disease. My best friend just found out her cancer has returned - why can't we treat alcoholics with as much love and sympathy and care as we do a cancer patient? Then I get upset that she would give anything for precious time she may not have while my alcoholic partner seems to just throw his life away when he drinks and does not care for himself.
What I have found really helpful when I am in a funk, can't get out of it and can't get to a meeting? Do the online chat rooms! I could not believe the peace that came to me one night after a daytime of struggle by just attending the onilne chat for 30 minutes. That is what I will try to do tonight. Its the same outline as the group meetings- same prayers etc. I don't know if its the energy in Alanon and AA when two more or are gathered together - and this applies online too - but there is so much strength and healing available.
I don't know why my "funks" come and go - why some days I obsess over where he is and what he does and other days I can "let go and let god" with ease.
I am new to this forum, but not new to Al Anon. Been in the program for 6 months now. I feel enormously better than I did back then. I do still have my days as I live with my A husband of 17 yrs. He is an addict as well. Great! Double the trouble. WOOHOO! Thank God he is in recovery as well and has 6 months sobriety, but oh how the rage and anger and hurt and resentments abound in my mind! I attend a lovely group and have a great sponsor but I felt I needed to join this forum for some xtra love and support. Writing/typing seems to be so healing to me. My present problem is that he is not working and hasnt in nearly 2 yrs. All the finances are gone and of course I do work myself silly to support us and the kids. The burning question in my mind is this... Can I continue to live with the man that is the cause of me losing my home if it comes to that? I don't care if he is sober or not, pain is pain and I just don't know if I can live with him although I do really love him in spite of all he has caused. Just wanted to say that I feel your pain Ragdoll. Hugs to you.
