The material presented
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Wednesday Night Turning Point Al-Anon Family Group...home meeting for me and to night very special as one of the members did the meeting on the subject of fear. It very quickly became fear using the tools of meditation and prayer. I am soooo grateful again for that meeting subject because of the membership sharing from within their new growth. I love to listen to and watch the miracles that come out of this program and listening to their new experiences is awesome. I like the subject because I have arrived at the awareness that "fear is the absense of love and love is my HP's name." Fear means being away from or outside of the reach of God, for me. When I have unconditional love I am no longer afraid.
Simple program for a complicated (past) person. Keeping it simple and coming back.
Also watching my spouse working it too as her mother is in the process of passing on. My spouse is roller coasting twix fear and love. I can hear it, feel it, almost touch it even though she is 2500 miles away. I have done it myself, many of us have also. I have suggested that in between bouts of fear that she allow her mother to teach her how to die herself. There is a purpose in everything and life isn't over until it's over, neither are the lessons. I am confident that my mother in law is being attended at this time by more than just the family. I have nothing but gratitude for Olivia A in my life...she is being attended.
I just had to respond - my Wed noon meeting topic was also on fear. We had some newcomers and this topic was very timely for all of us at the meeting. Like you, I was (and still am) grateful for this topic. It reinforced for me how I have been letting it drive my life and not paying attention to the fact that I do have choices.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother in law. I love how you find comfort in knowing she is well tended.
Warm thoughts and best wishes to you and your family as you bid your loved one goodbye.
Hi Jerry! I'm going thru a similar situation. My beloved aunt is in the last stages of colon cancer. The doctos told us to be prepared and it has been difficult for me cause Death is my greatest fear. On top of that dealing with my husbands relapse, ughhhh. But I was touched by what you posted "fear is the absense of love and love is my HP's name" Thank you for reminding us that.
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Self-pity in its early stages is as snug as a feather mattress. Only when it hardens does it become uncomfortable.
Fear is on of my strongest emotion that I have to deal with, I let it take over sometime (I confess lots of the time), and it is pure hell.
I am grateful for you sharing on this subject because we all can understand this very human and basic part of our make-up.
I understand the process your wife is going through right now with her mother, she is so blessed to have someone like you that understands and supports her at this time.
I'm facing the same situation, as my father is nearing the end - he is 83 years old, has lung cancer, and his lungs & heart are too weak to accept the chemo. The reality of his situation is that the lungs/heart will most likely fail before the cancer can get him.
I am struggling a bit with "fear" on the prospect of losing him - he is the person I respect most on this planet - but am doing what I can during the time he is still here.... Partially based on some great advice that you sent to me a couple of months ago, my Dad & I have had some wonderful visits/talks about life in general, how his life has transpired, were his goals accomplished, etc., etc. I have come away from these discussions with the heartfelt knowledge that he is very comfortable with what he has done in life, and doesn't feel "robbed" at all, living healthy for 83+ years. He is married to his best friend, and has been for almost 59 years.... He has four healthy and mostly happy kids, and eight very healthy and happy grandchildren. He retired at 57, so he has had an amazing retirement of 26 years, where Mom & Dad were able to travel the world, and enjoy so many things....
I am still "fearful" of his passing, but a lot less than I initially was.
Thanks for posting.
T
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"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
Jerry, Great topic . . . I've learned so much about fear from this program . . .
There's the acronyms:
Future Events Aren't Real
False Evidence Appearing Real - oh boy that was true for me.
(*&^ Everything And Run - that one brought humor to fear for me
Then I learned a tool or two . . .
"Courage is fear that has said it's prayers" . . . I learned that I was never going to be fear-free whether active in this program or not but that I had tools to get me through these situations. Surrender is an excellent antidote to fear for me.
"Walk through the fear" . . . what have we got to lose. I'd rather walk through it than stay paralyzed in the fear.
Then I heard an amazing Alanon speaker ~ Mary Pearl and she shared that "people who control are people who are scared to death." That was another good tool of this program. Am I controlling others because I am afraid of the outcome? Am I allowing them the dignity of making their own mistakes? If so, can I do something different to address my fears?
Finally, I am not a big journaler (is that a word?). But I am a big list maker and so I used making lists or writing things down that scared me. First of all, the act of writing it down and admitting it helped it to lose its power over me and then second, and maybe even better, was that so many of my fears never came to be. Had I not written them down, I might not remember as I was on to the next fear.
So I spent useless time and emotion on fears that seemed and felt real at the time but turned out not to be. When I live in the future, I am not appreciating the gifts of today.
Tom, wishing your Dad the best . . .
in recovery, Maria
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If I am not for me, who will be? If I am only for myself, then who am I? If not now, when?
and so I used making lists or writing things down that scared me. First of all, the act of writing it down and admitting it helped it to lose its power over me and then second, and maybe even better, was that so many of my fears never came to be. Had I not written them down, I might not remember as I was on to the next fear.