The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So as follow up of my last post, my abf got out of jail yesterday. I went and paid for a hotel for him so he would have a place to sleep until today when he was leaving to treatment and sober living in another town. I talked tohim briefly this morning, to tell him I loved him but not who he was when he used. That I can not allow the insanity anymore, but that I wished him well and hoped he knew I loved him, just not the disease. Well, he obviously isnt on the same thought plain as me. He is angry, its all my fault he went to jail and if I loved him I wouldnt leave him like a dog. He went on and on and on about poor him, always the victim . He said I have it easy, dont suffer like him and that obviously I did not love him. After listening for 30 minutes to the same crap, i finally spoke up and said " Im sorry you feel that way. It really saddens me that you still choose to blame others but I cant do this anymore" " So regardless if you believe I love you or not, I just wanted you to hear it from me" and I hung up.
So i went from crying my eyes out this morning, to being so angry I could spit nails this afternoon, to now I think im at a calm point. HA HA the question is for how long? If anything, I am glad I talked to him today because it really did confirm for me that I cant be around him and cosign his garbage any longer. Im looking forward to a peaceful night of hot chocolate, soup and my kids watching a tv movie together and being grateful I had the courage to change the things I can and putting faith in my God that all will be ok
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
I am in a similar place to you my ABF is struggling with sobriety and is back in his mums after his slip 3 weeks ago. I think he is sober and attending meetings although this is not my business. He wants to see me once a week be intamite etc. I am refusing saying you go recover and I will look at me. I do not want second best, I understand he is ill but like your partner he is very angre, full of self pity and blaming everone for putting pressure on him. I too know my emtions will change from one minute to the next but I am going to committ to no contact I need to focus on me and my recovery, kids and leave him to win his own battle. thanks for your share
Wow, sounds like you did a great job of loving him and detaching from his disease at the same time.
Have you considered taking the next 6 weeks to get to as many meetings as possible so that when he returns - for better or worse - you are even stronger in your resolve to seek health and provide a warm home for your children?
thanks everyone for your love and support.. Has been a tough week, but guess what? I made it through somehow. I am amazed how many people are in similar points in ther lives and how addiction is destroying so many families. I made a decision when he broke in my house, that he is ot going to be a part of my life. Maybe not forever, but I realize for me and my sanity I do not want to continue the heartache. So I am going to allow myself to be sad, close the relationship and work on me for a better and brighter future. After 2 years of promises from my A, leaving the relationship and trying to be a friend i got the same results. I can not have him in my life, it is to destructive to me. Amazingly today was a great day, and I am looking forward to serenity....
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
((((((((inhisarms))))))))) Great for you sounds like you are doing well and taking care of yourself first. Good job and keep sharing your progress, we all need to hear about that. Good luck to you in the future and happy holidays to you and your family!!
