I think you did everything right including the vent. We all do the best we can with what we have. Your AH knows what the alochol does and is doing to his body, and until he decides to seek help there is nothing you can do but take care of yourself and your son. Cunning, baffling, and powerful this disease. Hating the disease and loving the alocholic is sometimes hard. I dealt with that problem for years until one day over a year ago I turned my AW over to my HP 100% and never took her back from him one time. Nothing I had done had made one ounce of difference. When I finally took my hands off and did not try to help HP with the alocholic in my life, the burden was lifted from me. She was no longer my problem. That was very hard for me to do, but I realize now it was the best thing I ever did for her. It probaply saved her life. She became sober about 4 months after I made the decision. She and HP worked it out without any assistance from me.

If you are not going to f2f meetings, please try to start. It will make a world of difference for you. Keep coming back to MIP for the tons of ESH the members of this board have to offer you. Always remember -------You are not alone.

HUGS,
RLC

Aloha (((((Tatty)))))

Choosing to leave or stay are just two options there are many others.  One of them is
to be with those in recovery who have known what it is like to be going thru what you
are going thru and who will share with you what they did and how they did it for your
own peace of mind and serenity.  For me when I stopped care taking one of the things
I did was not explaing and not make excuses anymore.  I told those who asked to call
and get the information first hand from my wife's mouth.  Certainly I use to say "Hate
it" also.  That changes when you get into the fellowship and face to face meetings and
following up on the suggestions.   Keep coming back; In support (((((hugs)))))

(((((TH)))))

I have been trying to respond to you for awhile. I have been married for 35 years on Christmas eve to a AHSober. He left the marriage almost five years ago. He said I don't love you never did, I am not happy because of you. His drink/addiciton takes many forms like computer games and I think threatening me with divorce for almost our entire marriage. Anything to escape. He has never filed for divorce but seems to get alot of power by the threat. This is no comparison to living with an active A.

But I do understand staying when you have been in a long, long, marriage. You grow up together, have children, and share most of life's major events. And then you find yourself older and on the other side of life. Not easy to just up and leave and start over.

For myself, I set small boundaries. My AHsober is clever and usually has every base covered. I do things for myself. I go to AA and Alanon meetings and look for support there. Surprising, I get alot of support from the A's. Not easy I know but we can have some happiness in life as our HP wants for us.

In support,
Nancy