I Have A Question - Al-Anon Family Group

ally · ~*Service Worker*~

I Have A Question

QOD · ~*Service Worker*~

Ok so please don't take offense to this but WOW, your ex seems like a real JERK!!! If I were in that situation, I wouldn't ever want to be around someone like that. Seriously, if you have made the break, why go back to being belittled again? In my opinion, I would just ignore him. Block his phone numbers so I would never be tempted by a text or phone call ever again. Sounds to me like you are getting along wonderfully without him in your life. So keep up the excellent work and keep moving forward. But hey, that's just me.

Good Luck.

Sincerely,
QOD

abbyal · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm thinking this guy is telling u the truth about who he really is and your not listening , how many times have u been there done that with this man ?

Mandy123 · ~*Service Worker*~

Ally,
My nutjob. I love you girlie.

It seems to me that you are having some doubts.

I remember a long time ago. My parents were looking at having a house built. They were going to need to borrow money from my grandparents for the down payment or something like that. I remember my grandfather saying something that if you have doubts about a big decission then maybe to do a pro and con list and see what is in the con list. If it is major stuff then maybe it isn't the right choice.

I can tell you that for ME (and I can only speak for me) I have had a lot of revelations since my spilt with my hub. I can tell you that there are now things on my con list when it comes to my relatonship with him that I know I will never go back there. I may want to, I may remember the good times, but I can't ignore the cons.

You make your choice girlie. You are a smart woman who knows what is best for her. I am just going to love you no matter what.

Your crazygirl,
Mandy

ally · ~*Service Worker*~

QOD thank you.

Abbyl, i've not been there for two years because i stayed away because i listened. I know what he doesn't want. He also knows what i want in my life so why does he continue to bait me back for something i don't want. Maybe it's not me who needs to listen.

Mandy

Love you too kiddo, and i am really trying, some days i feel like i'm stuck on crossroads and no matter what i do i can't find the right way.

Ally xx

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Ally...That share sounded to me like me finding a tool I miss placed a while back
and picking it up again wondering if it would still work for me. You still wondering if you
can get something you couldn't get to work for you to work for you?...What the heck did
I just say? Are you relapsing in your thinking? Maybe it didn't get sooo bad and you
still have some room left for more? For me if I really don't wanna play the game
anymore I don't go to where the players are. Treat yourself better. (((((hugs))))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Ally I am confused.

I read at the end you had some thought about maybe you guys could have what you once had.

BUT you just told us the last time, you thought you loved him, but he told you he was not in love, just wanted sex, and knew he would hurt you.

So in adding this together, you guys never had anything ever.

Hon you can be the most beautiful lady in and out, love purly, have trust for the object of your affection. But the guy honestly does not care about anything but HIS satisfaction.

They KNOW when they are using people. But if the person allows it, they feel it is ok.

Reading again, maybe you are the same. Nothing wrong with that. And he is too, still the cold B he always was.

I guess I would ask myself what is going on with me to even want any contact with someone like this?

You are doing great weighing things and looking at them! To me that is progress.

love,debilyn

ally · ~*Service Worker*~

Deb

I've spent the whole night crying my eyes out in frustration and fear of why i'm feeling things with regards to this person. Even when i think back to the cruel words he used on me i could never see he was indeed using me. I didn't want to see it, i wanted to feel i was loved and i'm so not alone in thinking that in al-anon.

My gut was telling me to make amends to this person, i don't know maybe i never had closure, maybe i needed to see him for the person he really is. I've saw that now. He keeps up to date with my life from others he knows i'm a much stronger person than i was two years ago. Yet he can still play, in his words "the game" of getting me back into bed. At the end of the day should i fall for that, he walks away and i'm back at a place i never wish to be again. It didn't work this time, i stayed out of his bed.

I'm beating my confusion a bit at a time and i know i won't ever be normal as far as my emotions are concerned. But i have managed to differentiate between someone caring for me and someone using me. I don't use people, far from it, and yes i allowed him to use me because i didn't know any better at the time. TODAY i do, no i wont allow him to use me again. I don't deserve it, i would rather remain on my own and happy, than be with a user and miserable...

I'm thirty eight years old and every day is a new day for me and i look forward to it, the challenges it may bring me, and how i will overcome them. Alcoholism is an absolute curse to both the addict and the families. I may not live with an active alcoholic today and i'm blessed not to do so. But i do know i'm still suffering the effects of being raised in it. People may read my posts and feel confused, its even more confusing trying to write them, but i do, because i know that someone will always identify with me and i can find the wisdom that i need to keep me on my journey.

Thank you

Ally xx

Mattie · ~*Service Worker*~

Sometimes this is a blessing in disguise. Thank goodness he didn't hide his jerkiness and fool you and get you sucked in, and then reveal who he really is. It's hard to face that someone we have some fond memories of isn't the person we had hoped, but that's how we protect ourselves. The truth is that there are both healthy people and unhealthy people in the world. But we have the power to notice our reactions and protect ourselves from the unhealthy people. The more I started learning about emotional health, the more I'd think, "How can that person be like that? Doesn't he notice how negative/manipulative/abrasive/etc. he is?" But of course it's harder to notice one's own problems, so he doesn't; and when you don't even know what it's like to be a healthier person, you go on living your life in the same old unhealthy way. And most people are very sure of the rightness of their actions. So they are where they are. But my new healthy practice is to resist merging with them and being drawn into the same old games. I keep remembering the saying, "Recovery isn't winning; it's not playing." It's harder when the person is someone you've known in the olden days. That's why a good distance -- emotional and geographical -- is a help. I think you've made great strides in noticing how he makes you feel. That's something that took me years to start paying attention to, and I still fail all too often.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.