The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
It has been yet again so long since posting to this board. Time constraints & busy lifestyle I use as my excuses not to visit more often both on MIP & f2f meetings. Poor excuses not to take care of spiritual & emotional well being for sure. However, if there is one thing that I know is that I wont beat myself up for it.
So I find my self drifting on a sea of chaos but I remain remarkably calm & serene. This past year has been quite a roller coaster of events from discovering the extent of my oldest son's drinking & escapades, legal issues with ex-husband for failing to be financially responsible, potential closings of both mine & husband places of employment etc.
Now let me tell you that any one (let alone all at the same time) of these events years ago would have sent me into a tailspin that in the end would leave me exhausted. I would be ranting & raving about the injustices & moaning why me again. Thankfully because of my years in program (even though I have been away) I have serenity through all of the trying times. I'm not doing things perfectly, but then again that is how I learn. I learn what keeps me serene & sane & what I do that takes that away from me.
Letting go of the illusion of control was key for me. I cannot control anything but me & how I handle situations. And I cannot do that without the help of my HP. I know that my HP has a plan for me but it is not for me to know what that plan is. My job is to go along for the journey, keep an open mind, listen & ride the ride - good or bad. I know that each time I have come out of darkness into a new light of awareness I am a better person for it.
Happy Holidays all - I hope that you can all find serenity this holiday season.
Love to all my MIP family. Karen
__________________
Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
The program is a lot like riding a bicycle. You may not ride it everyday, but you never forget how. Your post is a testament to others who are working the program surrounded with choas that this disease can bring into ones life. Understanding, believing, and finally accepting that we have absolutely no control over anyone but ourself is hard to grab on to. But, once we do and turn the choas and problems over to our HP as you said, we can have serenity through all our trying times.
Wow - I never realized what a control freak I was until I had to give it up! I have spent so much time through worry and other means trying to control those I love. Now that I am not doing that through Alanon support I realize how much time and energy it took. But it is a very hard path to walk. To not try to control God's will and other's will's with my own manipulation.
Thank you for your post. It gives me faith that I can transfer this alanon program to other things in my life that are chaotic (such as raising a teenager) and bring more peace into my life. I never thought that woudl be possible.
Thanks for sharing with us, I needed today your words of wisdom. I am having a very difficult week and came into work this morning in tears over my AS. Just praying for some release to the stress and drama he causes in our lives, but you reminded me I can't control him, I can only control me.
