The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
First of all I'd like to thank Jozie and all of the prayers that were sent out for me on Friday....This is an amazing group of people and an amazing place.
As those of you who follow my posts know, I have been stressing for weeks over the pre-surgery tests I had to have Friday. I don't have all the test results yet but my chest xray showed a spot on the lower left lobe of my long, and the cat scan, which they ordered on the spot showed a 3/4 inch spot. The Dr "thinks" it is Lung Granuloma which can be caused by many things-a lot of them scarey. He is clearing me for surgery but that does not mean my Dr doing the surgery will do it now, and I have to have a recheck etc to monitor the growth of the "thing". This also the Dr advised could explain my new found shortness of breath. I now will be seeing a lung specialist after my surgery on the 18th.
What I found in all of this insanity and fear was amazing!!!!! I found gratitude and faith like I have never known!
As I was waiting for the immediately ordered cat scan,and sitting there in tears thinking please don't let it be the worst, I prayed....and instead of my old prayers of "ok God you do this, this and this and I'll do this, this and this" it was different. I prayed only for His will for me and found a calmness in the most despairing of times, and I knew/know that whatever they find........I will be ok and it is His will. As much as it was His will that put me there for those tests, that I soooo did not want to have. Not many folks have a cat scan or chest xray unless there is a reason........I was blessed to have one ordered for a whole other issue and in doing that whatever I have was found and found EARLY.......I have no doubt my HP lead me to it, and He will lead me through it.
I also learned on Friday to trust my gut-something I have never been able to do ever. My gut has been telling me for weeks that something is out of whack and "off" and it was right. I came sooooo close to canceling my surgery and not having any tests from fear and anxiety....Thank God I didn't! My instinct and my gut I am learning is my HP nudging me to listen....
I also realized that in the overall scheme of things all the things I have been stressing over aren't really all that important. Yeah I'm still scared, and yeah I'm worried a bit more now because of the new test results, but I also know that in the big picture of it all I am still blessed. I don't look at it as "OMG they found something on your lung!!!!" I look at it as "Thank God they found something on my lung!!!" Either way it's there, better that it was found now than later! My glass is going to stay half full! It's out of my hands and all I can do is live THIS DAY and Thank my HP for it and do the foot work to take care of my body.
I also really found strength in my program like never before. I called people, I reached out, I admitted fear (something that apparently upset my mother because I have NEVER said I was afraid before), I called my sponsor, I went to a meeting, I read and I prayed. And what I found in all of that, in all of the scarey dark places I had to go Friday was a program that REALLY DOES WORK IF YOU WORK IT!!!!
I thank my HP for each of you here daily and am so grateful and blessed for each and everyone of you and this program! It is amazing and I plan to keep coming back!
Filled with peace, Shelly
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Put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror!
I also learned on Friday to trust my gut-something I have never been able to do ever. My gut has been telling me for weeks that something is out of whack and "off" and it was right. I came sooooo close to canceling my surgery and not having any tests from fear and anxiety....Thank God I didn't! My instinct and my gut I am learning is my HP nudging me to listen....
I also really found strength in my program like never before. I called people, I reached out, I admitted fear (something that apparently upset my mother because I have NEVER said I was afraid before), I called my sponsor, I went to a meeting, I read and I prayed. And what I found in all of that, in all of the scarey dark places I had to go Friday was a program that REALLY DOES WORK IF YOU WORK IT!!!!
Filled with peace, Shelly
Dear Shelly
Thank YOu so much for your inspiring message. One of the biggerst gifts of this program is that I too learned to trust my gut and that that still small voice within.
It is my HP speaking to me. Until I really used alanon tools I could not hear this voice- I was too busy looking for information in all the wrong places!!!Certainly not within!!
I really appreciate the principles of alanon. When I hear another member who has struggled finally find his own truth and HP I smile at the Miracle that has unfolded before me.
The wisdom of this program is astounding!!! Thank you for sharing your growth.
