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Had a couple of rough days here. Struggling with making sense of my thoughts. I go from over thinking about the drinker in my life. Almost fantasy thinking, where nothing was bad in the relationship. Only thinking of the good times. At these times I am heart sick. Went I shake myself and think about what the reality of the situation was and is I think I am better off . Here is what I stumble over maybe you guys can help me out here.
#1 the relationship was difficult in the end. I was the only one working and while I worked, he drank up his unemployment check. I hated coming home to a drunk. I also resented that I was working at a high stress job and he was at home having a party.
#2 I came home one night early not feeling well and we got into it. At which point I blew a fuse and threw him out. I was not nice.
#3 here is the part I don't get with me. For two months I was comfortable with him gone. I enjoyed myself and thought of him seldom. Then through the grape vine I heard he had hooked up with an old girlfriend and they were going to marry. All of a sudden I am heart broken. How could this be? I keep asking myself is this jealousy? A close friend of mine broke up with here bf at this time which was at his instigation and she was heartbroken. Could it be some of here pineing for her ex rubbed off on me. At this point I am just trying to take some time out and pray, look seriously at myself ( I seem to be an alcoholic magnet and have come to the conclusion I like the excitement...I am thinking about trying bungie jumping or sky diving as a more healthy form of excitement) In the mean time I would love some feedback from you, just to give my old head some different thoughts to ponder.
Hi there, I read your post and my thinking is a mess also...So i wont even try to give you clear thoughts lol Just wanted you to know that you are not alone
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
I think it is normal to hurt if someone you cared for is getting married to another person. I am only just trying to get the courage to stay away from my partner, I carnt imagine how I will feel when I hear he has a new partner never mind if he was getting married. Then again I know what kind of life relationship his new partner would be signing up for and that is what I am trying to escape I think I would end up feeling more sorry for her than jelous. You didnt want him for a reason you care for you and have self respect good on you this to shall pass
Aloha Fishin...normal goings on as your describe them. There is no way to not start to end something that you were use to for a while and just reach the end...What would we come up with as a replacement? This is the right time for the fellowship of Al-Anon so that you can get a lot of face to face feedback from others who have also gone thru what you are going thru now. Also...the steps are important; learning them and practicing them is a good suggestion. They have and continue to help me on a daily basis. Step two says "Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourself could lead us to sanity." Sanity I learned in the program is a continuous and orderly process of thought. I never knew that until I got into the program and I never learned how to do that until I found others who showed me how they did it. Now I know two things...one is when my thinking is crazy and the other is how to get out of it and progress into an orderly process. In support ((((hugs))))
Fishinmama, it is the old story; you do not want him but you don't want anyone else to have him. I go through the same thought processes with my own A. Just about the time I decide to toss him out, that feeling overwhelms me. "What if he starts seeing one of my friends?" "How am I going to stand it if he gets together with my friend Judy? Or my friend, Sel?" These are the questions that reel through my mind. My girlfriends are crazy over my A; and with good reason. They see the classy, elegant, witty, fun side of this handsome and charming British gentleman. Any woman in her right mind would jump at the chance at being with him. Little do they know..................
I tell you all this as another example of natural albeit crazy thinking. How you are feeling is not unusual. Try to keep in touch with the fact that your life is saner, gentler, calmer, and more serene without him.
I like what Jerry F says: Let AlAnon show you how to get your thinking into an orderly process. He always says just the right thing.
Best wishes,
Diva
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"Speak your truth quietly and clearly..." Desiderata
Keeping grounded in the "fantasy vs. reality" of how the relationship was is what helped me. I used to think about the what if's if I heard he was with someone else....That got me thinking ...why would it be any different with anyone else, becasue it wouldnt. The same things that I went thru with him would undoubtly be the same the next person will, why wouldnt it. ....thats the reality :)
