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My ABF went to the doctor this week. Doc agreed with me and ordered tests to verify that ABF has most likely been suffering TIA's (mini strokes). He then proceeded to give him the death lecture and remind him of all the patients he has lost to this disease called alcholism. Bloated livers, failing organs, etc etc.
ABF knew before he went that he has to stop drinking. The Doc asked him if he had DT's last time he stopped and ABF says no. Doc offered to give him Xanax to help him through them. I said NO!
Good news is this doctor actually believes in vitamin therapy and had sent ABF home with a shot of Vit B in the ass. He also gave him a list of vitamins to take, B12, Folic Acid, and Thiamin along with an aspirin daily. ABF went out and got them right away and is taking them. He has slowed the daily consumption from 9 plus to only 3 beers a night.
I am trying to prepare myself for what detox actually looks like. I am pretty scared after reading how people can die during detox. I am trying to find information on what foods, herbs, vitamins help lessen the risk of death or serious issues.
My question is this: Can it be done at home? How dangerous is it for someone that drinks heavy every day?
I want to support his efforts but I don't want to be the whipping girl either while he goes through it. He cannot do a detox clinic until well into the spring. He has too many HUGE projects that are nearing completion as well as his kiddos coming for Christmas break.
Anyone with experiences or ideas I would love to hear what you think.
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"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
My AH detoxed at a hospital. He was monitored and given medication to deal with elevated blood pressure and anxiety. It never occurred to me for him to try it at home. He stayed for a week--although he probably could have left after 3 days, but a bed was not available at the rehab center until the end of the week. I knew that if he came home instead of going straight to rehab that he would be drunk within a few hours.
I would never give you any advice on this--it is a medical issue and I would defer to a doctor. I hope everything goes well.
Yours in Recovery,
SLS
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Do not be anxious about tomorrow; tomorrow will look after itself. The Bible, from Courage to Change, p.138
The last I heard, the only detox that is deadly is detox from alcohol. Even heroine, which is a nasty nasty detox, is not deadly like alcohol. Pills, cocaine all of that, once the actual drug clears the body, is not deadly. Alcohol has lingering effects on the organs and the damage done by alcohol is long term and slow. Other drugs, the effect on organs is quick and damage is done instantly. Alcohol is different.
I would suggest doing a web search about the effects of alcohol withdral (physically) on the person. I would also suggest calling a rehab and asking them what their experiences are. I would also call the Dr back and be totally honest with the amount of alcohol your bf consumes regularly. That may be the difference between life and death.
I know it is suggested that A's only do a withdrawl in a hospitalized setting as it really does kill A's.
What a lousy rotten ugly disease!! I am angry after reading everything. I just did not understand how dangerous it is to quit. I have much to learn. I hate being conflicted! lol
I want him to WANT to stop first of all. He does and I don't think I am making excuses but maybe I am? He is a type A person. Control is the name of the game. That is how he managed to maintain long term employment while being a serious daily drinker. I know he looks at things like all of this could be risking his employment and take serious hits to his super genius ego.
I also understand that who cares, if he ends up dead? He agrees with me on that one. He has to most likely have his hernia repair redone and he plans to take the company option of short term disability for a few months. It is the perfect time to do detox as well.
My personality is one of great empathy and a healer. I dabble in herbal medicine, plan to educate myself more and I make skin care products, soaps, creams, salves, etc. I am also a chef that deals in healthy food and healing foods.
Al-anon is all new to me. Do I let him do it all himself or do I my best to support him? If I have the education to support him with herbs and high nutrient food that eases the pain and possible organ failure how is that co-dependent behavior? If he had cancer I would be feeding him the right foods and herbs to help him. So where is the line?
After all this time of wanting him clean and sober, I don't want him to do it right away. What kind of messed up thinking is that?
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"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
The severety of detox differs per individual. Because they did not shake or hallucinate before is no indication that it will be the same at a different time. Toxicity levels change. Some are able to detox at home w/o complication, some need to be hospitalized due to complications. I think you will be able to tell when it gets too bad. In my experience my husband attempted to detox at home but had to be hospitalized on day two of his detox.
On the other hand I know people that have detoxed at home with no medical issues other then the shakes, but then there are the more critical issues that can happen w/o warning,. The safest and less painful way would certainly be to do a medical detox but if he wants to do it at home, that's his call.
Christy
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If we think that miracles are normal, we will expect them. And expecting a miracle is the surest way to get one.
Regarding detox, I do not know anything other than my AH's experience with it. I think it was around day 2 of not drinking that I noticed he was terribly shakey. He could not stop. He could hardly pick anything up with his hands.
I took him to a place that specializes in detox; they could not admit him until they discharged a patient. They placed him on a waiting list and said he'd be the next to be admitted. Not too comforting when he was in that condition. I was by the staff there to take him to either a hospital or take him to get his whiskey. They said it was too dangerous for him to detox cold turkey. Stunned, I drove him to a nearby liquer store, waited outside for him to get his "fix." That was the first and last time I ever did that.
He was admitted the next day to the detox center. He stayed about a week and then went directly to a 30-day rehab facility.
I'm not advising anything. I just wanted to share my experience.
I hope it works out for you and your BF. Take care
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You have to go through the darkness to truly know the light. Lama Surya Das
Resentment is like taking poison & waiting for the other person to die. Malachy McCourt
Not all alcoholics need more than another recovering alcoholic to detox. Doctor asked him if he had Delirium Tremens (DTs or shakes) and your alcoholic replied no. That offers some information regarding the seriousness of his condition that the doctor needed.
Lots of MDs use different chemicals to treat alcoholism including xanax and methadone which to some degree complicate the situation because these also chemically alter the alcoholic. If the alcoholic chooses a recovering Alcoholic which means using the AA program the most that is needed is the willingness and honesty to get and stay sober.
The suggestion to get more information about alcoholism and coming off of it is best. This site MIP, also has an AA board where you can enter and read what is being said by other recovering and not-so recovering alcoholics.
My husband's detox was scary. I got him to the hospital just in time before he had the seizures at home. I don't think he would have survived if he did it at home. The doctors did give him B12, but also valium (alot) to keep him calm. When he relapsed and wanted to detox again, given his history I insisted that he go to the hospital to do it. I do not have a medical background and was not equipped to handle the seizures. The last time I left him at the hospital I was able to sleep peacefully knowing he was in the safest place. He came home a week later, safe and sound. I hope all goes well for your boyfriend.
Live strong, Karilynn & Pipers Kitty <--the cat
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It's your life. Take no prisoners. You will have it your way.
I have sadly gone through the detox process with xabf to many times to count. I like you tried to respect his wishes and help him detox at home the first few times. First time i thought he was doing ok but as true detox started he became aggresive, scary and i rushed him to emergency room. After 12 hours of stabilization e went to a medical detox for 10 days came home and relapsed 2 days later. This time I didnt try to stop him, he went from bad to worse and i finally drug him to the car when he was halluciinating so bad and got him to medical detox. He was by this time non responsive so the medical detox rushed him to emergency and they revived him. Just a few experiences, there are many. Alcohol detox is very scary, and life threatening. If it is at all possible I hope you get him to a medical detox. It is more humane for him and also for you and your peace of mind as well as safety.
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What progress, you ask, have I made? I have begun to be a friend to myself. Hecato, Greek philosopher
Thank you for all the advice and responses!! I am so glad I found this place and you wonderful friends!
Geeze O pete on a stick!! I am a first responder but there is no way in hell I am willing to go through this at home after all I have read! I feel guilty in a lot of ways.
I want him healthy. I want him to live a long life. I want what is best for all of us. I had no idea that getting sober and clean could be so dangerous!
It helps to know that waiting until he can actually do this with a doctor present is the best choice. I can lay off, let go and let God.
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"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
Well I am back. A lot has been going on in our lives. We bought a home the end of Feb and 8 days after moving in *I* got arrested on my front door step!! In front of my 13 year old daughter!!! grrr. I had no clue anyone was even looking for me or that I was a "Felony Fugitive" wanted in Colorado??
I owned a restaurant there and got myself into deep financial trouble. When I closed down my restaurant, my military bank account that is an online only bank, was overdrawn about $5,000. It was in collections and I had been making payments. MY ENTIRE CHILD SUPPORT CHECK! Apparently that was not good enough and I was wanted for "Computer fraud and abuse."
My ABF rushed home from work to take care of my daughter so they would not take her as well. CPS took her anyways. I spent 9 days locked up in the Clark County Detention Center. They house over 3,000 inmates. I had never been arrested in my life so it was a very scary place to be. I learned more about hookers and meth addictions than I ever wanted to know.
Worse was my poor daughter. They placed her in a foster home within hours of my arrest!!GRRR Even though I had tons of family calling them saying they would hop the next flight. Her daddy was barely home from Iraq and it took him FOUR days to get their permission to come get her and take her back to Texas. The entire time they had her they did not let anyone talk to her. No family. No friends. She was isolated and alone and scared.
My ABF shelled out a ton of money to get me a lawyer and keep me from being extradited to Colorado. This involved a $10,000 CASH bail he paid on the spot. This gave me the time to gather my records at home and hire a lawyer out in CO. The day I got out I paid every person I knew I owed money to including the stupid bank.(ABF actually shelled out the money) I then had to drive to Colorado turn myself in and spend a night in a jail that holds 35 people max. The next day the judge cut me loose on NO BAIL.
It is now been dropped to a misdemeanor bad check charge and I will get probation. *sigh* what a huge, expensive horrible mess I created for myself. In the end it cost the ABF $18,000 to keep me from being railroaded by a small town DA. This is after getting his $10,000 back here in Las Vegas for that bail.
My last day in CCDC my ABF had one more test done, a TEE. We have been having tests run since November to locate why he has had strokes. We got the results the next week when I was finally home. He has a papillary fibroelastoma growing on a valve inside his heart. A benign tumor. He has to go to the Mayo clinic in Minnesota at the end of May to have it removed.
They intend to operate using robotics but it is always possible they have to resort to open chest heart surgery. His oldest daughter is going with us and I am so thankful for that! She works in a hospital as a pharmacy tech and is working on one day becoming a pharmacist. I have direct patient care experience and have done all my pre-meds in college. He has two people that love him and will be looking out for his best interests while in the hospital.
He is still drinking like a fish. I have tried to tell him the dangers of not stopping before such a serious surgery. I have mentioned how dangerous detox is right after open heart surgery. I have tried to tell him of the dangers of increased healing time and being at 4 times the risk of an infection because he drinks. He gets mad at me. He is under enough stress as it is. "Go tell your Al Anon friends how I shelled out tons of money to rescue your ass and see if they suggest you keep talking to me about MY problems."
I went behind his back and talked to all his doctors and told them how much he really drinks DAILY and that they HAVE to tell him the dangers. THEY have to tell him he has to stop. He thinks I am just saying it to be mean.
Yesterday the cardiologist chewed him out and told him how Delirium Tremens is DEADLY without having open heart surgery. He told him he HAS to stop. I am petrified. I have no desire to fly to Minnesota and come home with him in the cargo compartment! I am past my wits end. I love this man and I fully expect to care for him when he comes home.
I am also FURIOUS that I may be caring for him for much longer and we will be in Minnesota well past the planned 10 days because he will not stop drinking. IF he survives the surgery.
I know he is not about to go to AA. It is too preachy and too God based for his liking. He thinks he can detox at home....eventually when he chooses to do so. He came home from our meeting yesterday and first thing he did was grab a beer and head out to work in the garden. He does not understand why I was mad and in tears last night. Why I don't want to be in the same room as him. I can't sleep because the nightmares are out of control. I should not have to watch him kill himself!
I am either quiet and sullen or crying or angry these days. How many more slaps upside his head does he need? When we found out it was a tumor causing the strokes and NOT his drinking he chewed me out for being wrong. It gave him permission to keep drinking in his twisted mind.
I am tempted to print out all the ugly truth of what can happen if he does not stop before this surgery. All the dangers of detox at home. I have told him time and again I will NOT except him doing this at home and being responsible for rushing him to a hospital if it goes ugly. He does not GET how dangerous it is. He does not think he NEEDS help to do it. That his shear will power will make it all easy to do on his own...with no support from someone who has done it. With no support from a medical team.....just me....him...alone.
My daughter is finally coming home this Sunday. She has never been away from me for more than three weeks her entire life....This is week nine....that has not helped my depression and mood, to have her gone. Now I am scared of having her home while this battle with the bottle rages on.
I know I have no power over his drinking. I know I cannot control it. I know I cannot cure it. What I don't know is how to watch him to continue to drink and not be angry with him. If this is his last month to live I do not want to spend it fighting and angry. I feel stuck. I feel robbed. I get boiling mad every time I hear another beer 'pop' open or hear him slurping it down. I am exhausted.
Thanks for reading. I needed to spew a bit.
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"Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"
